What's Your Zodiac Sign's Love Language? An Astrologer Breaks Down All 12
We all show our love in different ways. The signs and our birth charts play a big part in figuring out how to go about mastering the art of love—and it is an art.
All forms of art require inner discipline and commitment to the process. Not only that: Art and love go hand in hand. When we put our whole hearts into anything, it can leave us vulnerable. No other emotion has inspired so many works of creative expression, which is why musicians, poets, and other artists are often emotional about their work—they dedicate themselves to their art completely. Love requires the same kind of devotion and self-discipline.
When we comprehend the value of real love and recognize it when its offered, we will surge in the right direction, toward radical openness. We won't feel afraid of expressing our needs or communicating our true feelings.
How the signs love.
If you don't yet know your birth chart, read through the following elements and make a note of the traits of each that speak to you strongly. You can bet that if you do read your whole chart, the traits you've noted will feature prominently.
The Fire Signs
Aries/ Leo/ Sagittarius are learning about loyalty and perseverance.
Fire signs love in an all-consuming way similar to passionate love. They are not overly cautious and throw themselves headfirst into any union in their quest for excitement and stimulation.
When you are involved with a fire sign, it can be hard to breathe or imagine your life before they entered it. Often, without being conscious of it, they expect loyalty and devotion but don't know what that looks like. By the time maturity sets in, and it will at some stage in this life or the next, they develop a more stable attitude without losing that flame that warms both partners.
Not Flowing Well: Fire signs can become addicted to the chase and drama of high-octane love and selfish in their pursuits. When they feel that they have won, they may lose interest. They can be so caught up in getting their needs met, they trample over their lover in the process. Unless they have strong earth or water elements in their charts, or learn to view their union as needing care and attention, they run the risk of failing to achieve anything enduring.
Flowing Well: When working with their flow, fire signs are incredible. They love with gusto, and if they are loved equally in return, they make their partners the center of their universe so everything and everyone else revolves around them. They are exciting and unpredictable, which can be a joy in an often-humdrum world. If they have decided to build a successful union, they work hard at it, adding sparks if they feel that the passion needs reigniting. That energy and fire make their partners feel alive in ways no other sign can quite muster.
The Earth signs
Taurus/ Virgo/Capricorn are learning about impermanence and spirituality.
Earth signs need to balance a natural tendency to seek status and power above all else. Many are looking for security in a world where, really, there is none to be found. Impermanence is a tough reality to fathom, but as soon as they realize happiness and peace come before money and gain, they can settle into magical unions. That said, they take relationships as seriously as they take everything else, and they often make wonderful partners.
Before making commitments, earth signs, in their flow, take time to analyze the pros and cons, rarely jumping headfirst into anything. You know when they have done their due diligence because when they say they are all in, it's for the long run. When they finally make promises, they do all they can to keep their word.
Not Flowing Well: Often driven by worldly pursuits, earth signs judge people and situations harshly and may forget about the joy love can bring. In fact, they may unconsciously deem joy to be a tad frivolous. If someone matches their expectations of how a marriage or relationship should be, they will commit, but this is a one-dimensional way to perceive love.
Flowing Well: A pragmatic and grounded earth sign brings a sense of security to their loved ones, who know their hearts are in safe hands. Earth signs appreciate small gestures and happily support their partner's wilder schemes or endeavors. One word of warning: Any flirtations with their friends will turn them cold and sour, so don't even go there. Public image and respect mean everything to them, so knowing this will keep you in good stead in the long term. Those who work strongly with their earth often like to be with lovers with opposite qualities, but their morals and integrity have to be in alignment to make the match stick.
The Air Signs
Gemini/ Libra/Aquarius usually believe that if you truly love someone, you always will love them.
Because friendship comes first for air signs, that love lasts for lifetimes. Air signs love from a detached perspective. They let their partner be who they are and allow them to grow into who they want to be without placing demands on them to fulfill their own vision or ambition.
Still, their lovers may perceive them to be cold and push their buttons with wild displays of emotion or mind games. Needless to say, no one will be happy in this dynamic.
Not Flowing Well: Like some fire signs, air signs need to work on their attitude to commitment. They may view attempts at intimacy as manipulation or a ruse to trap them. They can be quick to bore, high-maintenance, and promiscuous (aside from Libras, who are usually more willing to stick around). Air signs work well with multifaceted partners who gently challenge them and help them want to commit. When they finally make that promise, they learn and grow, both personally and as a couple.
Flowing Well: Air signs are predisposed to cerebral connections and intellectual stimulation. They fall in love with a person's acumen, their bright mind, and their ability to provoke thought and spark debate. They enjoy nothing more than a friendly verbal sparring match and a lover who will bend their mind with profundity, not profanity. They need space but also stimulation, attention, and open communication to resolve misunderstandings or other issues. Falling in love with a person's mind is a sure bet on an eternal bond. Unlike everything else, the mind never dies; it continues to form future lives.
The Water Signs
Cancer/ Scorpio/ Pisces believe love is worthy of commitment.
When water signs fall, all that joy (and pain) will last them several lifetimes. They generally require a formal commitment and emotional security and see marriage as a sanctity that will save them from loneliness and bring them stability. Even within a long-term relationship, they don't often speak of their emotions; they expect their partner to automatically know what's going on. Scorpios in particular communicate via intuition and feelings and expect everyone else to do the same. Feelings are their love language, so take care of them.
Not Flowing Well: Water signs have such high expectations, it can be hard to meet them. There always seems to be something that "just doesn't feel right." Because of that, they can remain stuck in the past and hold grudges like no other sign, not realizing we are solely responsible for our own happiness, for better or for worse, and no one else is to blame when things go awry. Water signs can be defensive and prone to overreacting if they are insecure, when they are tired, or if someone pushes their buttons. All water signs change moods on a regular basis. Try to avoid taking it personally, or you will be in for a rocky ride. Shrug it off, and soon enough, a smile will spread over their face as they sheepishly reach out to hold you and make amends. Don't expect a "sorry" or a meaningful conversation, though. They expect you to know it had nothing to do with you personally and they didn't mean it.
Flowing Well: Water signs are among the best caretakers of their partners and families. If they have a sense of humor, and most do, their playfulness and sense of fun are second to none. They appreciate the small gestures, so your efforts won't go unnoticed. They can be shy at first, which is intriguing to most other signs, but then allow you into the gentle, creative, and loving beings they are.
Adapted from an excerpt from THE SIGNS IN LOVE Copyright © 2023 by Carolyne Faulkner. Published by Avery, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC. Reproduced by arrangement with the publisher. All rights reserved.
Carolyne Faulkner has been billed as “Britain’s coolest astrologer” by Forbes, Grazia magazine, and The Telegraph. She created and launched the concept of Dynamic Astrology™ initially for the Soho House Group, where she was the first and only resident astrologer after decades of study with spiritual masters from all over the world.
Her approach and methods fit within a life-coaching and mentoring framework, as she uses the movements of the planets to empower others to practice self-reflection and -development, helping them to learn the language for themselves and progress in many areas of their lives.