The 5 Types Of Attraction & How To Recognize Each One, From A Psychologist

So, let's talk about each of the five types of attraction and how they can function in our interpersonal relationships of all kinds:

When sexual attraction arises in the context of a friendship, the draw toward sexuality can complicate the underlying friendship unless the sexual attraction is mutually shared and openly discussed. In the context of a romantic relationship, sexual attraction is often an essential component; that said, some romantic relationships thrive when both parties feel that sexual intimacy and attraction are nonessential. And, of course, there are many short-term relationships or hookups that are based solely on sexual attraction; when both people are on the same page, such relationships can be sexually gratifying.

When a platonic relationship exists, romantic attraction can sometimes build up in one or both partners. When only one partner shares the romantic interest, it can be difficult for the platonic relationship to thrive or even be maintained. However, if both people in a platonic relationship feel that they've become romantically attracted, the foundation of friendship can support a truly healthy long-term relationship.

The key to physical attraction is to know and honor another person's "physical attraction" needs, preferences, and boundaries. For example, some people enjoy a great deal of physical connection across platonic, romantic, and sexual relationships. Others, however, have a much lower need and tolerance for physical connection.

Emotional attraction is the essence of healthy long-term relationships. When we feel emotionally connected to another person, we are able to bond in intimate, highly connective ways. Emotional attraction can occur in platonic, romantic, and sexual relationships. However, there are many relationships (especially those that are transactional) that are largely or wholly devoid of emotional connection. In my opinion, emotional attraction is the foundation for healthy platonic relationships and romantic partnerships.

Although aesthetic attraction is often important for initiating romantic or sexual interest, aesthetic attraction is insufficient for sustaining healthy long-term relationships of any type. Of course, it's important that we find a romantic or sexual partner at least moderately attractive, yet aesthetics can take a relationship only so far. As well, platonic relationships are often far less based on aesthetic attraction than either sexual or romantic relationships.

Each of the five types of attraction can have a role in why we want to be around another person and in encouraging us to connect with others, for better or for worse. Whether you're currently in the world of dating, taking a break, self-partnered, or in a long-term relationship, you'll thrive when you use the power of the five types of attraction to work for you.