How To Know If You Have An Emotional Connection With Someone

Some people may take that as a throwaway comment, but it's a common relationship refrain that should be activating your Spidey senses. It signals a call to action, an indication that your partner doesn't feel close to you, and it's leading to disconnection. But what does it mean to have an emotional connection with someone anyway?

Think of it this way: This type of connection imbues the relationship with emotional texture, adding an essential feeling of security that establishes a foundation for genuine intimacy to blossom. When we feel unsafe to let down our guard, the bond between couples can be superficial at best. "As humans, the need for emotional connection is wired into our survival," adds licensed psychologist Justine Grosso, Psy.D. "It helps us feel a greater sense of belonging, which facilitates general well-being."

You know you have an emotional connection with someone when you care about their needs and they care about yours. "When there is an emotional connection with someone, you want them to be happy," therapist Tracie Pinnock, LMFT, tells mbg. "The fulfillment of one's desire is a major part of being happy. Therefore, an emotional connection to someone naturally results in you wanting them to get the things they want in life."

Ask yourself these questions: Are you speaking freely? Are there things that you hold back from the conversation? If you feel nervous that you will scare them away by revealing too much; take note of that emotion and question why you're hesitating to open up. 

If we don't feel heard, it can lead to feelings of shame or abandonment. Active listening demonstrates a real emotional connection. "Active listening includes being present with and paying attention to the person talking, as well as demonstrating you are listening through eye contact and head nods," Grosso says. 

After you share the embarrassing childhood memories, over time, the sharing gets deeper and deeper, leading to mutual trust, respect, and deep understanding. "You're able to be vulnerable and share deeper parts of yourself," Rosario explains. 

For example, your partner loves experimental music and going out to shows every weekend. While it's not your favorite music, you still tag along because you want to spend time with them, even though you don't quite understand it. It may seem like a small effort, but those small acts are the very building blocks you need to nurture a strong relationship. By taking an active interest in each other's hobbies—asking them about it or planning dates you know they will love—it's another way you're demonstrating, I see you. 

According to Pinnock, "You're not only curious about things that have happened to them over their lifetime; you're interested in their daily, mundane experiences. What they ate for lunch that day, what their annoying co-worker said. Knowing the little details of our partner's life strengthens emotional connection because it helps to build intimacy, trust, and familiarity."

It's scary to put yourself out there and not know how the other person will respond. That's why it's so much sweeter when those very emotions are received and accepted with care. 

"Pro tips: Use lots of 'I' language, validation, and learn how to apologize well," advises Grosso. 

"If you care for someone and the two of you have an emotional connection, you care what happens to them and in a lot of ways," Pinnock says. "What happens to them happens to you." Having this perspective will squarely put you two together on the same team, adding more intensity to your shared bond. 

Relationships can only flourish if there's an equal effort by both parties. You can tell if you are the only one putting in all of the effort. It will feel like a one-way relationship...because it is. With you both putting in equivalent time and effort, it will strengthen the bond. 

They finish your sentences. You can have a full conversation with one look. Communication is easy and, for the most part, effortless. That's because, when you have an emotional connection, "you actually like each other, your values align, and you share a lot of similarities," says Rosario.

To be emotionally connected with your own core values is to be emotionally intelligent and self-aware. By having this deep sense of knowing what you want and don't want, it will help you stay grounded and not easily sway in the face of someone else's preferences. 

Simply said, without an emotional connection, we can't get close to someone. To get started, here's how to emotionally connect with someone, plus what to do when you don't feel connected to your partner. By understanding the signals that cultivate a true bond—or detract from it—this will help us invite and invest in growth-oriented relationships that will only serve our highest self.