3 Types Of Red Flags In Relationships & Which Ones Cannot Be Ignored

Having a new crush can be all-encompassing. The constant feeling of excitement, a hopeful outlook on the future, and all of the lovely day dreams that come along with a new potential partner can throw you onto a state of blissful ignorance. 

This may feel great in the moment, but it may cause you to miss some important red flags—that is, signs that the person may not actually be the best partner for you. While you shouldn’t necessarily seek out minor differences between the two of you on the first date, there are some warning signs you shouldn’t ignore.

According to psychotherapist Ken Page, LCSW, red flags can fall into one of three: objective, relational, and personal red flags.

Relational red flags are problematic dynamics between the two parties, rather than a characteristic of either person individually.

Personal red flags are those specific deal-breakers or triggers that are unique to you. These may be behaviors that bother you or make you feel unsafe or angry, but they might not come off as a bad thing to everyone. In other words, someone else may not see it as a red flag, but it certainly is for you, and that's OK.

Let’s be clear: Any red flag is important to keep in mind and is worth having a conversation about. However, objective red flags are the ones that you should be the most mindful of, as these tend to be the most difficult to work through and may be indicative of a truly toxic relationship, Page notes.

Relational and personal red flags, on the other hand, may be more flexible. If you truly love someone or see a potential future with them and you’re both willing to put in the work to tend to these red flags, then it’s worth a shot. 

This is not to say that some objective red flags can't be healed or worked through as well—every person and relationship is different—but these objective red flags must be actively addressed head-on for the relationship to survive.

As psychotherapist Annette Nuñez, M.S., Ph.D., previously told mbg, it's important to be able to distinguish between workable differences and true non-negotiables.

While all red flags are important to note, objective red flags are clear warning signs that something is off in the relationship that cannot be ignored.