Despite becoming a term only in the early 2000s, ghosting has always been a frequent occurrence in the dating world. The term has gained popularity over time with the increasing presence of online dating and dating apps.

According to Merriam-Webster, ghosting is "the act or practice of abruptly cutting off all contact with someone (such as a former romantic partner) by no longer accepting or responding to phone calls, instant messages, etc." 

Since ghosting doesn't come with an explanation, it's easy to feel insecure and isolated when on the receiving end. However, being ghosted is an incredibly common side effect of dating. A 2016 survey from PlentyOfFish reveals that almost 80% of single millennials between the ages of 18 and 33 have been ghosted while dating.

People make time for the things they care about—even if that means making time to break up with someone. According to a 2019 BuzzFeed survey, 81% of participants said they ghosted someone because they weren't into them, 64% said the other person did something they disliked, and 26% said they were angry with them.

While it's true that people make time for the things that are important to them, it's also true that life sometimes gets in the way. A tough time at work or family issues can easily distract you from a still-early courtship with a person you haven't met more than once.

Surprisingly, believing in the idea of fate may play a large role in whether people ghost or not. In 2018, psychologist Gili Freedman, Ph.D., conducted a study analyzing people's belief in destiny and how that correlates with attitudes toward ghosting1. According to her findings, people with stronger destiny beliefs were 60% more likely to see ghosting as an acceptable way to end a relationship. Those who believe in "soul mates" and "the one" are more willing to abruptly end a budding relationship if they think it's just not in the cards for this particular relationship. In this case, it's no one's fault. It just wasn't meant to be. 

Attachment theory was originally developed by British psychoanalyst John Bowlby while examining the intense distress infants experience when separated from their parents. There are four attachment styles in adults, but when discussing the act of ghosting, Ivie-Williams focuses on two: anxious attachment and avoidant attachment. Those who are anxious tend to crave intimacy and feel insecure about their relationships, while those who are avoidant are uncomfortable with closeness and value independence most.

Certain people can bring up different emotions in others and act as triggers based on some personality traits they present. Ivie-Williams uses the example of a potential or current partner coming off as threatening because they remind someone of something from their past. "It's a trigger, where a stress response or a trauma response was elicited in them," explains Ivie-Williams. "And so maybe they felt like if they continued to talk to this person, or if they were honest with this person, it wouldn't be safe for them." 

These trigger responses have a lot to do with anxiety. And while anxiety can be helpful because it acts as a threat detector and pushes people to seek out safety, "some people may have so much anxiety that is overriding other parts of their system that they perceive threats where there are none," says Ivie-Williams.

Some people handle rejection and feelings of abandonment better than others, but that doesn't mean they aren't hard pills to swallow. When ghosted, a lot of people tend to feel insecure and question themselves rather than the person who did the ghosting. Licensed psychologist Laura Louis, Ph.D., tells mbg that it can lead to extreme sadness and bring about depressive symptoms such as interrupted sleeping patterns, changes in eating patterns, and overall difficulty in functioning.

Ghosting can create unease and leave situations with loose ends, and those looking for feedback may have appreciated a conversation. But Ivie-Williams also points out that "it takes a level of emotional intelligence and maturity to be ready for those types of conversation, because you have to be ready to potentially hear something about yourself that you didn't know or wasn't something you wanted to hear." So, do a mental check-in with yourself and ask, if the person who ghosted you came back to give you an explanation, would you be ready to hear it?

No matter how you slice it, ghosting should never be the answer to ending a relationship. It signals that you have little respect for the other person and their time. When breaking up with someone, most people deserve the courtesy of having the talk—no matter how uncomfortable it may be. 

That said, it's important to remember that while you're at the center of your dating life, you're not responsible for every little thing that goes on within it and you can't take responsibility for everybody's actions toward you. "It may be the time to get more introspection into what's going on in your life and make sure that you have a healthy attachment with yourself and others," suggests Ivie-Williams.