Can't Stop Obsessing Over Someone? Here's How To Get Over Them, From Experts

From unrequited crushes to situationships to exes, we've all obsessed over someone at one point or another. But while the reality of obsession is somewhat universal, that doesn't make it fun—or easy to stop.

According to therapist and relationship expert Ken Page, LMFT, obsessions often arise from a place of low self-esteem and/or a person's "myth of lost love." In other words, we tell ourselves stories that we're unlovable and will never find a person who truly values and cherishes us.

Our task, then, is to look for those areas where we doubt ourselves, he says. "What is the area where we believe we are unlovable? What are the things we're telling ourselves are the reasons this person doesn't love us the way that we want them to?" he suggests asking yourself.

As Page tells mindbodygreen, another common thing that can happen when we're in the midst of obsession is self-sacrifice, or otherwise giving things up to try to make the relationship work.

"Most of us need to retrain ourselves to be able to recognize [this for what it is], which is the path to pain," he explains, adding to take note of the parts of yourself that you have to give up in order to attract the person you're obsessing over.

There's nothing quite like words of wisdom from a friend when you're obsessing over someone. As Page explains, logic and reason become clouded by our obsessions, so much so that we aren't seeing the object of our interests clearly and are likely just putting them on a pedestal.

If you've been obsessing over someone, odds are your passions have taken the back burner and been replaced by your preoccupation with this person.

When you're obsessing over someone, according to sex and relationship therapist Stephen Snyder, M.D., sometimes it can help to ask yourself, What exactly does this person mean to me? "Commonly," he previously told mindbodygreen, "it's security or status or feeling accepted or loved or understood."

Then you want to ask yourself, Did my actual experience with this person really deliver the meanings it was supposed to? "For most of us, in most relationships, the answer will be, 'Well, yes and no,'" Snyder adds.

This one might go without saying, but if you're thinking about someone nonstop, there's a chance you might be cyberstalking them a bit. Make it easier on yourself and just pull the plug. Unfollow them, unfriend them, delete your text conversations, and of course, follow the no-contact rule.

Similar to going no-contact, it's a good idea to steer clear of anything that reminds you of this person in general, whether that's souvenirs from your relationship or their favorite local bar.

No one is perfect, even the people we obsess over—and reminding ourselves of that allows us to take this person off the pedestal we've put them on. It sounds simple, but listing any and every negative quality about this person that you can feasibly think of could actually help put things in perspective.

If you're finding it particularly difficult to stop obsessing over this person or you know you've had a pattern of obsessive crushes in the past, it can be helpful to work with a mental health professional to unpack where these obsessions are coming from.

As we've touched on already, romantic obsession often stems from low self-esteem, feeling unlovable, or an "attraction of deprivation," as Page calls it, in which we become obsessed with receiving breadcrumbs from the object of our interest.

Last but not least, Page describes an interesting phenomenon that can happen when you've previously been wired for obsessive crushes; You're moving on, you enter a better relationship and start falling in love, and suddenly, you find yourself missing romantic obsession.

"This is actually normal, because you're striking a vein, and the last time you felt these feelings was with this person who wasn't good for you and you were obsessing over," Page explains. "This is temporary, so don't get worried if that happens—but don't go running after that previous obsession to try to pursue them," he adds.

Don't get down on yourself if you have a habit of obsessing over crushes—Page notes that we're all susceptible to it.

"When we're obsessed with somebody, they become the source of our worth and our lovability, so it becomes hugely important to us," he explains, adding, "They've got something, whether it's beauty, or intelligence, or confidence, that we feel we don't have, so we need to get their approval, their love, and their interest."

And usually, Page tells mindbodygreen, we wind up here because of our unique "myths of lost love," which are the myths we carry from our earliest years, when we didn't receive love the way we felt we needed to from parents, caregivers, or the world.

In the people we obsess over, we are seeking a way to prove our worth, to find that "lost love" we think we don't have or never got, but it ultimately leaves us wanting, because self-worth can only be given to ourselves by ourselves.

And if it's any consolation, you can, in a sense, be "addicted," or at the very least dependent, on a person. In one small 2010 study, subjects who had just gone through a breakup but were still in love showed just how true that is: When they saw photos of their ex, the brain's reward system released dopamine, the neurotransmitter that plays a big role in the early stages of love and addiction.

Obsessing over someone is all fun and games until you wake up and realize you've lost yourself, neglected your own needs, and placed far too many hopes and expectations on one single person.