Dating Someone New? Make Sure You Follow The 3-Month Rule — Here's How

What's more exhilarating than meeting a potential new love interest and scoring a first date?

Dating someone new is, indeed, an exciting time brimming with potential—but because of that excitement, it's also easy to fall into lust, clouded judgment, and ultimately not see the person clearly amid the surge of feel-good hormones.

The 3-month rule can be thought of as a rule, test, or even "probationary period" for dating that suggests waiting three months before deciding whether to commit to a person. And given all we know about the initial stages of dating, it's pretty solid advice.

As couples' therapist Linda Carroll, M.S., LMFT, previously wrote for mindbodygreen, the first stage of dating, or what she calls "the merge" stage, is the initial, sweeping romance that often consumes a couple when they first get together.

Because it can be so all-consuming, she says, "Go slow with making any big decisions. The merge can fog your vision and make you want to dive into situations that might not actually be wise or healthy for you in the long run."

That said, according to psychotherapist and relationship expert Babita Spinelli, taking your time during the first three months of dating, and watching for those telltale green (or red...) flags, is crucial for deciding how you want to move forward.

Before you even plan your first date, it's important to go into dating with a clear idea of what you want and what your nonnegotiables are. Make a list if you have to, and check it twice!

You're not going to learn everything there is to know about a person in three months, but according to Spinelli, you can get a good sense of their habits, communication style, and personality quirks. "Reflect on whether their communication style meets your needs," she says, adding to watch out for consistency, tone, how they act with their friends, and whether they're respectful.

The first few months of dating should be a fun and enjoyable period when you're getting to know each other, so ask lots of open-ended questions! As Rocchio explains, fostering open communication involves creating an environment "where both people feel secure and encouraged to communicate their opinions, feelings, and concerns without fear of critique."

Boundaries will never stop being important, whether you're one month or one year into dating. So, do they respect yours or are they love bombing you? As Spinelli tells mindbodygreen, it's paramount in the early stages of dating to respect each other's boundaries and the pace at which you're both willing to move.

You can be absolutely smitten with someone, but if they're not looking for what you're looking for, it's a setup for hurt feelings. So, Spinelli notes, it’s extremely important to explore if you both are on the same page about why you are dating.

If it wasn't obvious, please watch out for red flags while dating someone new, and do not delude yourself into turning a blind eye. People put their best foot forward when they're meeting someone new, so if red flags are popping up early on, they're likely not going to get any better.

The first three months of dating can be a whirlwind, and that can make it more difficult to see this person clearly. They could check a lot of your boxes, but one or two things about them might stick out as red flags. Don't ignore those.

As Rocchio puts it, "Never compromise your core values to boost someone else's ego. Staying true to your core values means prioritizing yourself, abiding by your morals, and aligning your behaviors with your values."

It can be easy to get swept up in the initial romance and want to spend every moment together. Don't do that.

Similar to investing all your time in a new potential partner, you don't want to emotionally invest in them too much either. "One can get caught up in investing emotionally without taking a step back to continue to discover if this is the right person for you," Spinelli tells mindbodygreen, adding, "By moving too fast, we miss things."

And lastly, of course, don't ignore your gut! At the end of the day, these tips are pretty universal, but everyone's dating experience is different, and only you can truly know whether someone is right for you or not.

If you've realized this person isn't right for you, don't be discouraged. In fact, celebrate the fact that you know yourself well enough to walk away from a situation that isn't right for you!

In terms of letting them down easy, be open and honest about what you're looking for and why you don't think the relationship is a good fit for that. You don't have to get too specific, which could lead to hurt feelings. Preparing a script such as, "It's been great getting to know you, and I think you're a wonderful person—just not necessarily what I'm looking for at this point," is a good idea.

To that end, avoid ghosting. While it's become commonplace after a first or second date, three months is long enough that you can honor this person with an in-person talk. It might be uncomfortable, but you can both walk away with your dignity and mutual understanding.

If it's been three months and you want to keep seeing this person, that's great! Of course, you don't have to commit after three months if you're not ready, but there's a good chance you may be looking to take things to the next level at this point.

Having the "what are we?" conversation can feel daunting, but if things have been going well, the love interest in question will likely be elated that you're still looking to keep things going. And for what it's worth, research has found men do take about three months to say "I love you," while women take about five months—so things could be getting serious!

And at this point, you'll ideally both be on the same page about what you're looking for, so if it seems like a match, defining the relationship now isn't out of the question.