Whether or not a relationship is “meant to be” is often determined by how much work each partner decides to put into the relationship. And if you feel you've done all that you can, and it still didn't work out, then the relationship wasn’t meant to be.
So let’s review some signs that can help you identify when a relationship is wrong for you. Just a note: If you’ve seen these signs in previous relationships but didn’t get out when you should have, go easy on yourself. You had different lenses then.
The purpose of this post isn’t to make you feel regretful about your past or panicked about your current relationship. It’s just a reminder to sharpen your radar and possibly have some things to chew on. That could mean having some honest conversations with your partner or shifting your behavior.
Here are five signs you’re in a relationship that's not “meant to be."
1. You don’t feel like you.
Everything you’ve liked about yourself, who you are, what makes you uniquely you, is gone or faded.
Unfortunately, this happens a lot in relationships. I coach people going through this all the time. And it happens very gradually — otherwise we would stop it right away.
Sometimes partners try to control us and stamp it as love. Over time, this strips away at who we are or want to be. Then one day, we wake up, look in the mirror and don’t recognize ourselves anymore. This is a sign, a bad one.
Now let me stop here and note that it doesn’t mean it’s 100% the other person’s fault. You may find this to be a pattern in all your relationships, which means the common denominator is you. Because it’s easy to lose ourselves in our relationships.
This usually happens due to a distorted understanding of love as self-sacrifice, rather than thinking about it in terms of healthy compromises and growing together. If you follow the logic of this mindset, you'll usually end up thinking about your upbringing and what you learned about the experience of love as a child.
The key is to be aware and work on finding yourself again, no matter what it takes. If you don’t, you’re not bringing you to the relationship. You’re bringing your conditioning.
2. You're constantly trying to prove your worth.
It’s bad enough that we have to constantly seek our worth in the world. But if we’re also doing this in our relationship, there’s something wrong. That’s the one place where you shouldn’t have to prove your worth.
But how do you know if you’re constantly trying to prove your worth? First, start by acknowledging that there’s a difference between seeking approval and validation, which we all do to a certain extent, and seeking your worth or value.
Here are some signs that you're constantly seeking your worth in a relationship.