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150+ Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend, From Deep To Dirty

Kelly Gonsalves
Updated on June 2, 2023
Kelly Gonsalves
Contributing Sex & Relationships Editor
By Kelly Gonsalves
Contributing Sex & Relationships Editor
Kelly Gonsalves is a sex educator, relationship coach, and journalist. She received her journalism degree from Northwestern University, and her writings on sex, relationships, identity, and wellness have appeared at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere.

Good conversation is the food for a healthy, thriving relationship.

Relationship research tells us that self-disclosure is linked with increased intimacy and happier relationships—that is, when couples share more about their inner worlds, they feel closer and more connected to each other, and their relationship becomes strengthened as a result of it.

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So, the next time you're bored or feel like your date night could use a conversational boost, consider using this time to get to know each other better. Remember: No matter how long you've known each other, how similar the two of you are as people, or how in love you are, there's always more to learn about your partner.

Here are some ideas for what to talk about with your girlfriend or partner to spark interesting conversation, whether you're looking for something deep, something dirty, or just something fun.

Deep questions to ask your girlfriend:

  1. Why do you think you are the way you are in relationships?
  2. What does an ideal relationship look like to you?
  3. What do you think about the concept of marriage?
  4. What does commitment mean to you?
  5. What do you think you would be like as a mother?
  6. What scares you about becoming a parent?
  7. Do you feel like you've found your life purpose?
  8. What are the values you hold dearest to you?
  9. What is your greatest fear?
  10. When did you last cry in front of another person?
  11. When is the last time you felt truly, exuberantly happy?
  12. Are you close with your family?
  13. Do you think your family knows the real you?
  14. What is your relationship with your parents like?
  15. Has it always been that way?
  16. What was your childhood like?
  17. Would you change anything about the way you grew up?
  18. Do you feel like money affected the way you grew up? How so?
  19. Do you feel like race has affected your life? How so?
  20. What do you think your younger self would think about who you are today?
  21. If money wasn't an issue, how would you spend your days?
  22. What are you most proud of in your life?
  23. Is there anything from your past that you're ashamed about?
  24. In what ways do you think you have grown as a person? 
  25. What is one part of yourself that you think still needs work?
  26. What is the most difficult thing you've ever had to go through?
  27. Do you love yourself?
  28. How do you feel about your gender?
  29. What feels hard in your life right now?
  30. When do you feel most alive?
  31. What is the meaning of life?
  32. Do you think humans are inherently good or inherently evil?
  33. Do you think our society is progressing or regressing these days?

Romantic questions to ask your girlfriend:

  1. Do you believe in love at first sight?
  2. What attracted you to me initially?
  3. Am I the type of person you usually go for when it comes to dating?
  4. How do you know when you're in love with someone?
  5. How did you know you were in love with me?
  6. When is the right time to say "I love you" to someone?
  7. What little things make you feel loved in relationships?
  8. Do you enjoy compliments?
  9. What's your love language?
  10. Do you believe in soul mates?
  11. How about twin flames?
  12. Do you ever think about me when I'm not around?
  13. What's your favorite memory of me?
  14. When was your first kiss?
  15. What kind of proposal would you want?
  16. What do you think about public proposals?
  17. What's your favorite thing about me?
  18. What's your favorite thing about yourself?
  19. What's your favorite thing about our relationship?
  20. What makes you feel loved?
  21. What makes you feel beautiful?
  22. How do you like to celebrate your birthday?
  23. What are some things you think we have in common?
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Dirty questions to ask your girlfriend:

  1. Lights on or lights off?
  2. Hard and fast, or slow and sensual?
  3. Dominant or submissive?
  4. Morning sex or evening sex?
  5. What's your favorite sex position?
  6. What's a sex position that you've never tried that you're curious about?
  7. What's something unexpected that turns you on?
  8. Which do you enjoy more: oral or penetration?
  9. Would you rather have average sex every day or amazing sex once a month?
  10. Would you rather be with someone with no sexual experience or a ton of sexual experience?
  11. If you could hook up with any celebrity in the world, who would you pick?
  12. How often do you masturbate?
  13. What do you fantasize about when you masturbate?
  14. Do you like porn?
  15. Would you be interested in watching porn with me?
  16. What was your hottest sexual experience (before meeting me)?
  17. Would you ever have sex in a public place?
  18. Do you like the idea of getting tied up (or tying me up)?
  19. What's your favorite part about my body?
  20. Which part of your body do you want me to touch more?
  21. How do you like to be kissed?
  22. Do you have any kinks, fetishes, or guilty pleasures?
  23. What is your dirtiest sexual fantasy?
  24. What's the hottest memory you have of us?
  25. What's one thing you've been wanting me to do to you in bed?
  26. Are you a good girl or a bad girl?
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Fun questions to ask your girlfriend:

  1. Do you believe in astrology?
  2. Do you relate to your astrological sign?
  3. What's your favorite type of music?
  4. Who is a music artist that you love that you think other people don't get?
  5. Best concert you've ever been to?
  6. Worst concert you've ever been to?
  7. What's a conspiracy theory that you sort of believe?
  8. What were you like in middle school? In high school?
  9. Were you popular?
  10. Have you ever ghosted someone?
  11. How did you first discover masturbation?
  12. What is the worst lie you've ever told and got away with?
  13. What is the worst lie you've ever got caught telling?
  14. What's something you're irrationally scared of?
  15. If you were an animal, which would you be?
  16. What do you think your superpower is?
  17. Which Marvel superhero do you most relate to and why?
  18. If you were to go back to school, what would you choose to study?
  19. How would you describe your personal style?
  20. Have you ever committed a crime?
  21. What's your favorite season?
  22. Are you a dog person or a cat person?
  23. Where is the next place you want to travel?
  24. How do you feel about makeup?
  25. How often do you put on sunscreen?
  26. What's a random, obscure topic nobody really cares about that you could give an entire PowerPoint presentation about?
  27. What is the weirdest dream you've ever had?
  28. What shows have you been watching lately?
  29. What's your idea of a perfect day?

Questions to get to know her better:

  1. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
  2. Do you answer work emails on the weekend?
  3. Have you ever tried meditation?
  4. Would you like to be famous? Why or why not?
  5. What is one of your biggest pet peeves?
  6. Who should pay on a first date?
  7. How often do you talk to your parents?
  8. Are you interested in having kids?
  9. What is something most people don't know about you?
  10. Have you ever been cheated on?
  11. Have you ever cheated on someone in a relationship?
  12. Have you ever been the other woman in someone else's relationship?
  13. Have you ever gone through a partner's phone before?
  14. Do you think a long-distance relationship ever works?
  15. How do you feel about abortion?
  16. Would you ever run for office?
  17. Could you ever quit social media completely?
  18. What is your attachment style?
  19. Are you an optimist or a realist?
  20. What's something on your bucket list that you think you'll do this year?
  21. If you won the lottery, what would you do with the money?
  22. Do you consider yourself a spiritual person?
  23. How often do you cry?
  24. What is something that people usually misunderstand about you?
  25. How do you think people typically perceive you, and do you think it's accurate?
  26. How do you want to be perceived by others?
  27. Have you ever been to therapy?
  28. Have you ever had a near-death experience?
  29. What are your thoughts on religion?
  30. How do you feel about the metaverse?
  31. How do you think growing up with the internet and smartphones is affecting kids these days?
  32. Is there anyone in your life who you would give up your life to protect?
  33. Is there a fictional character whose story you really relate to?
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Important things to talk about with your girlfriend:

  1. Are you looking for a serious relationship?
  2. Did you know what you were looking for when you met me?
  3. What were your previous relationships like?
  4. Why do you think your previous relationship didn't work out?
  5. What did work well in your previous relationships?
  6. How do you feel about the way your last relationship ended?
  7. What have you learned about yourself from your previous relationships?
  8. What have you learned about love from your previous relationships?
  9. What are some areas for growth for you when it comes to how you show up in relationships?
  10. How do you process difficult emotions?
  11. How do you like to be supported when you're going through something difficult?
  12. What is your deepest insecurity?
  13. What counts as cheating?
  14. Are you friends with your exes?
  15. How do you handle jealousy?
  16. What do you think about gender roles in heterosexual relationships?
  17. Could you ever date someone with opposing political views to your own?
  18. What forms of birth control should we use?
  19. What would you want to do in the case of an unintended pregnancy?
  20. What do you look for in a partner?
  21. What do you want more of from our relationship?
  22. What do you want less of in our relationship?
  23. Where do you see our relationship going in the future? 

Looking for more? Consider trying out the infamous 36 questions to fall in love or these conversation starters for couples. And when in doubt, there are lots of couples games to look into.

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Kelly Gonsalves author page.
Kelly Gonsalves
Contributing Sex & Relationships Editor

Kelly Gonsalves is a multi-certified sex educator and relationship coach helping people figure out how to create dating and sex lives that actually feel good — more open, more optimistic, and more pleasurable. In addition to working with individuals in her private practice, Kelly serves as the Sex & Relationships Editor at mindbodygreen. She has a degree in journalism from Northwestern University, and she’s been trained and certified by leading sex and relationship institutions such as The Gottman Institute and Everyone Deserves Sex Ed, among others. Her work has been featured at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere.

With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. She’s particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. She believes relationships should be easy—and that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be.

You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: