Considering A Breakup? 5 Cases Where You Might Want To Stick It Out

Relationships are built on highs and lows, but sometimes wading in rocky waters can feel a lot like sinking toward rock bottom. Sometimes signals get crossed; a resolvable issue gets confused for a reason to call it quits, prompting the question first raised by The Clash: "Should I stay, or should I go?"

If you're in the midst of a tense or unhappy time in your relationship, it's important to recognize breaking up isn't the only the answer. In fact, dating expert and vice president of Dating.com Maria Sullivan tells mbg that people in relationships often magnify existing problems to be more than they really are. But rather than initiating a breakup, taking a pause and re-evaluating where these feelings of animosity stem from can shed light on the deeper issue, which, Sullivan says, is often repairable.

"When [you or] your partner starts to turn a small issue into a huge blown-out fight, it is best to take a step back and try to figure out what the root of the problem is," Sullivan explains, adding that this is just another reason "strong communication skills are important in a relationship."

They say timing is everything, but just because either you or your partner has a lot going on outside of your relationship doesn't mean there isn't time for the relationship. Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist based in New York City and a faculty member at Columbia University, tells mbg that while couples frequently complain about not having enough time to spend on the relationship, it isn't necessarily cause for a breakup.

Hafeez explains that when people become frustrated in their relationship because one or both parties have a lot to do or a lot going on, oftentimes they will "escalate this feeling of frustration into a sentiment that it is not the right time for the relationship." However, the key is to identify the root of your frustration, Hafeez says. In other words, if someone is genuinely unhappy in the relationship and is choosing not to spend time with the other person, then the issue isn't time; it's that feelings have changed. If you're upset because you are in love with the person and want the opportunity to explore and grow your relationship, that's something you can work on together.

At the beginning of a relationship, everything is new and exciting; you're meticulously planning your outfits, planning intricate dates, and the butterflies are knocking against the walls of your stomach. Inevitably, though, the honeymoon phase ends. "It becomes clear that your partner is not perfect, you are not perfect, and you have made a commitment that you will have to stick to," Hafeez tells mbg. You fall into a comfortable routine, and the rosy filter that once veiled your relationship gets pulled back. But that just signifies the end of the honeymoon phase, not the relationship as a whole.

"There can come a time when the routine becomes monotonous for one party, and it can feel as if the relationship has run its course," Hafeez tells mbg. But if there's still passion, attraction, and/or affection in your relationship, then the solution isn't to necessarily break up, Hafeez explains; it's figuring out how to address lack of excitement and doing so ASAP.

It's normal for couples to experience lulls in intimacy. Unfortunately, real life isn't an episode of Sex & the City, and things aren't always going to be candlelit and adorned with rose petals the way romance novelists would have us believe.

If either the thought of having sex with your partner repulses you or you or your partner are doling out rude rejections or are just blatantly avoiding sex, it's possible the intimacy of the relationship has run its course. However, it's more likely that there's an external factor that's causing your sex drive to drop—things like stress, hormones, age, physical conditioning, and sickness all factor in, Hafeez tells mbg.

Keep in mind that intimacy is "emotional, tactile, and comforting," Hafeez said. Sex is a physical act of intimacy, but sex and intimacy are not mutually exclusive.

Sullivan tells mbg that every individual has their own communication style; some people are more vocal while others are more conservative. You don't have to share a communication style with your partner in order to have a successful relationship, she says, but you do have to be mindful of any differences.

For example, let's say you have a very blunt communication style; you say exactly and whatever is on your mind, without pausing to filter and be mindful of your words. If your partner is sensitive and more reserved in how they communicate, Sullivan says it's important to "make sure you take your partner's feelings into consideration when telling them how you feel so that you avoid upsetting them."

That being said, it's normal for couples to go through patches of miscommunication; this isn't necessarily reason to break up, but it does raise a red flag that a conversation needs to be had to sort out the issue.

Space isn't always a precursor to a breakup; sometimes it's just an indication that either you or your partner need a little breathing room. After all, becoming a unit can be overwhelming; it can transform your life, and that can require an adjustment period for some people. Rather than internalizing your partner's or your own need for space as a sign of rejection, Clarissa Silva, a behavioral scientist, relationship coach, and the creator of Your Happiness Hypothesis Method, suggests thinking of it as "a period of evaluation" for the sake of mental wellness.

"Usually, the non-space-requiring partner is blindsided by their partner's request for space," Silva tells mbg. "Since they are blindsided, they will also question what else they missed in the relationship, and breaking up is one of the first reactions." But it doesn't have to be.

The immediate jump toward breakup is often rooted in anxiety and misunderstanding, so the solution, Silva says, is to define what "space" really means to the partner requesting it. "Some of the most common reasons people need space are personality needs, overstressed by demands of work or school, or feeling overwhelmed by their emotions," she explains. Once you're able to identify the issue, the next step is to create a mutual plan of action and to respect that plan and how your partner chooses to cope through it.

Unfortunately, relationships don't come with instructions. There rarely are one-size-fits-all solutions to the most common of issues, but if you and your partner genuinely love and care for one another, then keeping an open line of communication, addressing the issues as they come up, and exploring potential solutions can make the difficult moments more tolerable.