This Compatibility Test Will Tell You If You're Compatible With Someone
How do you know if you're compatible with someone?
Whether you're trying to suss out your relationship compatibility with a crush or your marriage compatibility as a long-term couple, this compatibility test will give you some clues—but it's also important to understand what exactly it means to be compatible with someone.
A compatibility test to know if you're compatible with someone.
A compatibility test evaluates whether two people are likely to have an easy, harmonious relationship based on the degree to which their personalities, lifestyles, values, beliefs, and behavioral patterns work well together.
Here's a simple, five-minute compatibility test to try out:
What does it mean to be compatible?
Being compatible means being able to exist harmoniously together with someone or something. In the context of romantic relationships, being compatible with someone means that your various individual qualities work well together such that you're able to date and share life with each other with minimal conflict.
"Compatibility is a natural, effortless way of relating to another person and feeling a connection," explains licensed couples' therapist Racine Henry, Ph.D., LMFT. "It can also be the ability to work together well and compromise around tough issues."
Two people need not be similar to be compatible. Sometimes two people are compatible because they have differing qualities that complement each other or work together synergistically.
Henry adds that compatibility can even be built intentionally: "You can either have compatibility from the beginning, or you can put effort into becoming more compatible with each other."
What makes two people compatible?
Compatibility can be affected by a huge variety of traits and behavioral patterns, some of which include:
- Personality type (introvert vs. extrovert, emotional vs. logical, etc.)
- Lifestyle preferences (clean and organized vs. messy and spontaneous, social drinking vs. sobriety, etc.)
- Values and beliefs (politics, religion, adherence to tradition vs. open-mindedness, etc.)
- Personal needs and desires (looking for something serious vs. looking for something casual, enjoys a lot of autonomy vs. enjoys a lot of togetherness, etc.)
- Sexual interests
- Life goals (focus on travel vs. focus on planting roots, focus on wealth-building vs. focus on enjoying life in the moment, etc.)
- Culture or background
- Life experiences
- Hobbies and interests
- Conflict styles
- Communication styles
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However, not all of these things need to align between two people for them to be compatible.
"Personally, I don't believe a couple has to agree on anything," says Henry. "I think you have to be able to compromise repeatedly and have a mechanism for solving problems. None of these factors (personality types, family backgrounds, politics, etc.) guarantee compatibility or harmony. These can be starting points for a bond or help establish those initial feelings of interest, but when there's tension or a lack of positivity, being from the same hometown won't matter."
Any issue, disagreement, or area of disconnect can be worked through and managed if both people are committed to putting in the effort.
How to check if you're compatible with someone.
You can get some insight into whether you're compatible with someone by taking a compatibility test online. Some dating apps focused on serious relationships also offer compatibility scores to help you evaluate potential partners, including eharmony, Match.com, and OKCupid.
However, the best way to know whether you're compatible with someone is simply by spending time with them and getting to know them more deeply.
"You discover compatibility by having a series of conversations and experiencing various environments with a person," says Henry. "Travel together, spend time with their friends or families, pay attention to how they treat others, [and] check in with yourself about how you feel with their decision-making processes and coping methods."
As a couple experiences life together, they'll be able to see how they behave in various scenarios and in what ways their individual personalities, lifestyles, and behavioral patterns mesh or don't mesh with one another.
How do I check my compatibility with someone?
You can check your compatibility with someone by having open conversations about key topics like what your daily lives look like, what your future goals are, what you’re looking for in relationships, and your politics, religion, and other personal beliefs and values. You don’t need to align in all these areas, but consider which areas are most important for you to align and in which areas you're willing to compromise and make peace with differences.
Are compatibility tests accurate?
There is no compatibility test that is 100% accurate because no test can capture enough information about the infinite number of characteristics that two people might possess that may or may not align with each other. Many compatibility tests simply determine if two people are similar, but similarity does not always mean two people are compatible, nor do opposing traits means two people can't be happy in a relationship together.
Compatibility tests are more of a helpful starting place for thinking through some key characteristics that may be important to consider when assessing whether you're romantically compatible with someone.
How do I check for marriage compatibility?
You might be able to get some insight from an online compatibility test or from attending premarital counseling together. However, the best way to know if your relationship issuitable for marriage is to simply give the relationship time to go through a few cycles of the ups and downs of life.
"Marriage requires a commitment to working through life together. Nothing changes in your compatibility whether you're married or not," Henry adds. "You have to come to that step in the relationship with the intentions of honoring the promises and goals you both have. Lots of people think something begins at the wedding day, but if you don't have the necessary components in place prior, they won't magically appear once you say 'I do.'"
Being compatible with someone means you're likely to be able to date each other with ease, and any number of personal qualities—from how you spend your weekends to how you grew up—can impact romantic compatibility. However, any area that doesn't match up perfectly between two people can still be managed as long as both people have the skills to do so.
"Compatibility is extremely important," says Henry, "but again, it doesn't have to be there organically for it to exist at all. Don't be hesitant to work at the compatibility, and keep in mind that as you grow and develop as individual people, compatibility will change."
Kelly Gonsalves is a multi-certified sex educator and relationship coach helping people figure out how to create dating and sex lives that actually feel good — more open, more optimistic, and more pleasurable. In addition to working with individuals in her private practice, Kelly serves as the Sex & Relationships Editor at mindbodygreen. She has a degree in journalism from Northwestern University, and she’s been trained and certified by leading sex and relationship institutions such as The Gottman Institute and Everyone Deserves Sex Ed, among others. Her work has been featured at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere.
With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. She’s particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. She believes relationships should be easy—and that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be.
You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter