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The One Thing This Dating Coach Wants You To Do Before Getting On An App

Sarah Regan
Author:
January 5, 2023
Sarah Regan
mbg Spirituality & Relationships Editor
By Sarah Regan
mbg Spirituality & Relationships Editor
Sarah Regan is a Spirituality & Relationships Editor, and a registered yoga instructor. She received her bachelor's in broadcasting and mass communication from SUNY Oswego, and lives in Buffalo, New York.
Image by Javier Pardina / Stocksy
January 5, 2023

If you're looking for love in the year 2023, you may have a few things on your mind: Which dating apps are best? How can you spark great conversation? Which red flags should you watch out for?

Table all those inquiries for a moment because according to dating and relationship coach Clara Artschwager, there's one thing you should do before anything else when it comes to dating this year: Take a step back.

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The case for recalibrating before dating in the new year.

According to Artschwager, if there's one thing you can do to help your dating life in 2023, it's to actually take a step back from prioritizing it. That might not be what you wanted to hear, but hear her out.

"We often think of 'working on our dating life' or pursuing partnership as the actual dating, like swiping and going out and meeting people—but I'm a huge proponent of actually clearing the decks for the first few weeks of January, or even the whole month, and not swiping but actually going back in and recalibrating and reflecting on the past year," Artschwager tells mbg.

During this time of reflection, she says, you can assess what worked and what didn't in your relationships (or lack thereof) in 2022 and what you'd like to change in 2023.

"My one piece of advice is to just give yourself the space to say, 'OK, I'm not going to swipe, even if it's a week or two weeks' time, and I'm going to dedicate myself to taking stock of what things have been like," she adds.

And here's why it's so important.

Why it matters.

We're by no means saying you need to swear off dating until you feel perfectly recalibrated or anything, but the idea here is simply giving yourself the space to understand what it is you're looking for. Without that clarity, dating—and specifically finding anything long term—is going to be a lot more challenging.

But with your newfound clarity, Artschwager says, it can "inform the way you structure your profile or the intention that you bring when you get clear on what you're seeking."

Then, when you do venture out on some dates, it will be super apparent if your life isn't aligned with the person sitting across from you at the table. "And yes, [you] could continue to entertain this person and think things are going to change, or you could stick to the intentions and the decisions you made," Artschwager says, adding, "Giving yourself that breathing room does count as 'working on your dating life.'"

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The takeaway.

If there's one relationship resolution to tackle in 2023, it's dating with authenticity and knowing what you want (and don't want). If you feel like you're already there, that's great. But if you do want to improve your dating life this year, it likely begins with yourself and ensuring you're approaching dates with a clear mindset.

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Sarah Regan
Sarah Regan
mbg Spirituality & Relationships Editor

Sarah Regan is a Spirituality & Relationships Editor, a registered yoga instructor, and an avid astrologer and tarot reader. She received her bachelor's in broadcasting and mass communication from State University of New York at Oswego, and lives in Buffalo, New York.