A breakup can send you spiraling downward, reviving old thought patterns and collecting negative beliefs about yourself. Or it can be the greatest soil for growth.
It all depends on how you decide to see your breakup and the approach you take. Here are six ways to keep you from despair so you can turn your breakup into a breakthrough.
1. Reframe the story of your breakup.
The first step is the simplest but can be the most difficult.
Like milk, your relationship has expired. It had an expiration date. It was not meant to end one day sooner or one day later. Write this on your bathroom mirror. Read this out loud every until you believe it.
You may not believe it now. But you will one day. I understand it may be difficult to swallow. But there’s absolutely no other way to look at it. Otherwise, you’ll open up a giant can of what ifs, I should have, could have, if I only, if he had just … and that’s when you start playing the highlight reel, and that's when you regress instead of grow.
2. Cut the cord.
No emails. No texts. No check ins. Unfriend him. Unfollow him. The worst thing you can do is follow his life on social media. I don’t care how strong you think you are. Photos and updates of his carefully curated filtered life will trigger your emotional elephant.
It's either over or it’s not. If it’s not, you should be working on the relationship. If it’s over, you should be working on you.
3. Create a self-care plan to address your six basic needs.
Let’s start with a self-care plan, because from here on out, you HAVE to make it about you. It may feel weird at first because you’re not used to it. But that’s the growth piece. Get used to it.
When you find someone who really deserves you, you can’t lose your yourself. That’s what happened in this last relationship. Somewhere down the line, you got a little lost. You started to compromise. You put their needs before yours.
Let's review the six basic human needs: