9 Potential Reasons Men Cheat & What To Do About It, From Experts

Nonetheless, as of right now, some research does show that men are more likely to cheat than women, with 20% of men have admitted to cheating compared to 13% of women. So we asked relationship experts about why men cheat, along with what defines cheating, signs to watch out for, and what to do if infidelity has infiltrated your relationship. Many of these behaviors might apply to people of all genders, but they can definitely be relevant to men.

Although people of all genders might do cheat for this reason, Birkel explains that men may be less likely to have difficult conversations with their partner about their own needs and the relationship. If they're looking for a way out, they may see cheating as a means to an end. "They're sort of done with their marriage or relationship, and instead of having that difficult conversation, they'll just have an affair," he says.

And generally speaking, men are "much less likely to have a good social support system" as far as close male friends, Birkel says. In those instances, the compassion and support from another woman in his life may be very welcome. "It often starts as a friendship, maybe a woman co-worker," he says, who starts to make him feel better about himself, and so an emotional connection forms.

Notably, most people have some level of narcissistic behaviors, and not every person with narcissistic behaviors is a full-blown narcissist with narcissistic personality disorder. The same can be said for sociopathy, aka antisocial personality disorder.

Some people act out and cheat out of anger, jealousy, or a desire for revenge, says Birkel. Even if their partner hasn't cheated on them, if they've done something to upset their partner (i.e., having a close friendship with another man, Birkel offers as an example), "They'll end up cheating to make a point," he says.

If one partner is dealing with a substance abuse problem, instances of cheating may become much more likely. "When we become addicted like that, it creates and impulse-driven, more immature version of ourselves," Page says, noting that he's seen many relationships fall apart after one partner became addicted to painkillers after a surgery, for example.

Similarly, Page says depression and anxiety can also increase that impulse-driven behavior, because "if depression and anxiety are intense, it can really exacerbate the need to get relief—and relief can often come in the form of someone really attractive outside the relationship."

Feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem can also drive someone to cheat, particularly if they're not getting that validation in their own relationship, Page and Birkel note. "If people don't feel attractive enough to their partner, they may cheat to look for external validation," Page explains. He adds that sexual issues (such as erectile dysfunction) can also drive someone to "look for someone newer and more exciting to prove to themselves that they're still sexual potent and capable."

In some cases, cheating can be the result of one partner denying their own sexual or gender identity. Someone may be struggling with accepting they are gay or bisexual, and "they want to experiment, want to explore," Page says. "This could also be true with gender identity issues. And you desire to explore sex as well as identity around that because it's a hidden part of yourself."

Lastly, Birkel and Page both agree that many of these reasons fall under the category of emotional immaturity. "I think that's at the core of why men cheat," Birkel says, noting that men are taught not to talk about their emotions. "By the time a man has an affair, there's already been a long period of time when there have been issues, and they've had an inability to talk about those feelings," he says. According to Page, it often comes down to simply "poor judgment, lack of willpower, lack of self-control, and immaturity."

In general, though, when it comes to cheating, Birkel says secrecy is often involved—and guilt. "Secrecy is often a big part of it. That's a really good clue it's something that's verging on cheating," he says, along with "any time you're feeling guilty about something you're doing."

The following signs are by no means absolute indicators your partner is cheating. However, if a number of these signs from Birkel and Page are present, you may have a case of infidelity on your hands.

It can take years, and likely outside help from a sex or couples' therapist, for a relationship to recover from an affair, but it is possible if both partners are willing to do the work. And that's really the most important thing. But knowing when to walk away, too, is just as important.

And if the partner who cheated isn't willing to work on things but rather is dismissive of their partner's hurt, "to me that's not going to be a situation that's ever going to lead to a healthy relationship again," Birkel says. "And I don't think a partner of that person should tolerate that level of not caring."

Often the partner who did the cheating may find themselves in a state of deep shame, but Birkel notes there's a difference between feeling guilty and feeling shame. "Healthy guilt is appropriate," he says, but "it's important for the person who had the affair to take some time to make it about their partner's experience and hurt," as opposed to their own feelings of being a bad person.

Being cheated on is nothing short of a traumatic experience, and there can be so many reasons it might have happened in different relationships and contexts. But no matter the reason, one thing can be certain: Infidelity forces both of you to take a step back, look at what went wrong, and decide how you want to move forward from there—if at all.