How To Help Your Child Tap Into Their Inner Self

The ego is that part of us that subscribes to the conditionings of culture and all that we believe we "should" do in order to feel worthy and complete. We are raised by a set of prescriptions that dictate how we should be in life: College, career, marriage, and parenting are some of the few prescriptions set forth for us by the culture around us. Many of us are led by this ego into the parenting process because it has been indoctrinated in us to do so. We believe we are being selfless but, in fact, are motivated by highly egoic and self-absorbed reasons. It is only when we can acknowledge the role of our ego in parenting that we will begin to become conscious of its influence—and then rein it in so that our children are not burdened by its expectations and agendas.

I would also teach parents to mind their reactivity. Take a pause before reacting to ask yourselves this: What is this moment revealing about me? How can I change my awareness in this moment so that I can mindfully respond to my child as opposed to simply reacting to them blindly?

Boundaries, on the other hand, have less to do with punishment and more to do with self-respect and self-care. The parent institutes boundaries for acceptable and wholesome behavior as opposed to inappropriate and unwholesome behaviors. Boundaries can either be negotiated or set in stone. This is often determined by the severity of the inappropriate behavior. Boundaries are typically nonreactive and nonpunitive. They are instituted for the best interests of all parties involved rather than just the desire for the parent to regain control. Boundaries are essential for the self-care and well-being of all involved, raising self-esteem and self-governance.

When children are taught to "chase" happiness, they are given the misguided teaching that happiness is something that is concrete and tangible that can be chased. Little do we realize that happiness is not something to be gained in the future; it is either experienced in the moment, or it is not. Happiness is a state of mind rather than an outcome to be achieved. In fact, the more one chases it, the more one is in lack and the more we drive it away. Conversely, when we steep ourselves in gratitude and abundance, we realize that happiness was nowhere to be found but in our own minds.

No screen time, more free-play time, and fewer structured activities. No pressure to succeed or look a certain way; more rest and relaxation rather than incessant anxiety over their performance. More being rather than doing.