Are You With The Right Person At The Wrong Time? 10 Signs & What To Do Next

Ask someone about a missed connection, and you'll likely hear a story filled with exquisite longing and aching hope. Whether it's as small as a furtive glance with the cutie on the subway reading your favorite book or as heartbreaking as a budding romance cut way too short, meeting the right person at the wrong time can feel excruciating.

When you're faced with the possibility of love, you want to believe that you will surrender completely to the experience—but sometimes life happens. It's painful when it doesn't work out, but the reality is that the glittery, exciting feelings of liking someone happens fairly often in dating. The true magic is both people making the choice to commit to something together.

"If you feel like your goals are incompatible or would create a lot of barriers to being together, this can be a sign that it's the wrong time," he says. "When two people are heading in a similar direction in life, there may still be barriers, but perhaps there isn't as much of an obstruction."

If you're going through a rough patch, it can be hard for you to care for yourself, much less give a relationship the proper energy and attention it deserves. King notes if this is happening in the burgeoning connection, it's natural for the relationship to take a backseat as priorities shift toward doing whatever you need to feel better. Unfortunately, maintaining a relationship may not be high on your list.

It's vital that healthy relationships have a mutual give and take, and it's not one-sided. If you're finding yourself too busy to text back or follow up on dates, take that as a hint that you aren't able to give the emotional energy and/or time that's required for a developing relationship. As Nguyen puts it: "Relationships take work! If it feels like you both keep running into problems where one (or both) of you can't dedicate enough energy to the relationship, that can be a sign it's the wrong time."

For the most part, relationships need a certain degree of steadiness to create something lasting and consistent. Nguyen says if there are too many moving parts—for example, family issues, big moves, job changes, or the busyness of the holiday season–it will be hard to lay the groundwork for a partnership to build on. "Someone may have had a lot of time with you during a lull in work, but now things are picking up and there isn't as much time anymore. [That] might be a sign that you have to wait until the dust settles before determining if this can work out," he says. 

You've gone on some amazing dates, but they're moving out of town next month, or they just got a new job that's taking up all of their energy. While the connection is unbelievable, you can't ignore that there are other things happening in their life that require their attention, which inevitably limits their capacity to give in other areas. King says if you're finding yourself lamenting over some time-related barrier, that's a big sign it's not the right time. 

It might be one of these scenarios: They're in a monogamous relationship with someone else. They have young children, and you aren't sure whether you're ready for the responsibility. You unexpectedly met them while you were traveling, and you don't know if you want a long-distance relationship. They're reeling from a bad breakup and might be on the rebound. You're crushing on your supervisor, but your company strictly forbids romantic relationships at work. Although love is a leap of faith, sometimes the risk is too great to take, and the obstacles are too insurmountable to move past. 

When you're getting into a relationship with someone, there's an element of radical vulnerability and honesty needed to take your feelings to the next level and cultivate a deep romantic connection. If one of you can't participate in that exchange with your full self (i.e., you're emotionally unavailable), King says it's a hint that the relationship won't be able to progress forward since there are parts of you that will be emotionally inaccessible, which makes it hard to truly know each other. 

"One of you is healing. Whether it be from a physical, mental, or spiritual injury, healing is a time to prioritize yourself," Nguyen says. "While it's not impossible to have a healthy and loving relationship while healing, this again is a period of change and growth that may change both people as the healing continues."

When you're in a relationship with someone, the connection can push you out of your comfort zone as unhealed wounds and unknown aspects of yourself emerge. If one of you feels uncomfortable facing those problems and can't compromise on your way of life to include someone else, you're not in the right place to devote what's integral for the relationship to thrive. 

They're seemingly perfect for you, but you keep feeling like there's something off about the connection or there's something missing. Although you can't quite put a finger on it, don't ignore those suspicions. "Sometimes even if someone hits all of your buttons in a good way, it just doesn't feel right. It doesn't have to make sense. Call it a gut feeling or intuition, perhaps this is a sign that it's not the right time," Nguyen says. 

If you've determined you've met someone right at the wrong time, you might feel devastated that you can't move past these complications to make the relationship work, but there is something you can do about it. Here are some pointers to start processing these feelings so you can move on or potentially make it work down the line:

"Life will continue on, and there are plenty of opportunities to date [and] maybe even date this right person when the time is right. Even if this opportunity passes, there will be more," he says. 

"Take time to reflect on what you need now and where you're going in life. Yes, this person feels like the right person, but do you need the 'right person'? Maybe you need more time to heal. Maybe you need to focus on taking care of your body, heart, and soul. Maybe you need to connect more with friends and family. Maybe you need to follow your career where it's going or stay in place. What do you need now and how might this right person fit, if able?"

"Moving to approaching connections from a more secure place may completely get rid of the idea of the right person, wrong time," King says. Dating with a secure attachment style is about desiring a whole partner who is ready for you and can meet your needs. 

Sometimes closed doors put you back on the path you're meant for. Nguyen advises letting yourself accept the place that you're at in life now by appreciating all the wonderful things you do have. "If this person isn't able to contribute positively, that's OK. There will be other opportunities for connection, but what's most important is that you're doing what you need for yourself and your priorities. Otherwise, you stand the risk of pushing yourself to be what someone else needs without caring for yourself." 

It's gut-wrenching that you couldn't have them in your life the way that you had hoped. But your good feelings for them can still persist by seeing them as an event for positive change in your life instead of a lost opportunity. Sometimes, certain people are only meant to be in your life for a short time to show you that there are a lot of people that can match with you or remind you of the kind of life-affirming beauty that love can bring. Plus, it'll make it that much more meaningful when you do meet the right person where everything aligns.

King shares some signs that you're with the right person at the right time: 

"If someone is not ready or able to love you in the way that you deserve to be loved, it is OK to step away and trust that you will find the love you desire and deserve," King says. "Don't limit yourself to the right person, wrong time connection. There's always more love to be found that can meet you exactly where you are."