The Psychology Behind Being The "Mom" In The Friend Group

Every friend group has at least one "mom friend." No, we're not talking about a literal mother, but the figurative name we give our friends who take on the motherly, nurturing role in relationships. But why do they do it, and how can these folks thrive? We asked Marci Moberg, M.S., an intuitive healer, reiki master, and expert on empaths.

What's important to remember is that every friendship requires balance, so Moberg notes it's important to be mindful of codependent friendship behaviors such as people-pleasing, always trying to fix or solve problems, or believing being motherly is the only way you can keep a friend. If you feel like "your friend always needs help and you have a responsibility to be the helper," she adds, you might want to think about where these tendencies are arising from.

Moberg recommends these questions to help you get clear on the motivations behind your behavior, as well as recognize whether you're receiving the support you need.

"Notice if you struggle to receive support from your friends," Moberg says. If you do, she recommends making a point to reach out for help when you need it. "The next time you're having a hard time, tell your friends and ask for what you need. This fosters healthy mutual friendship rather than one-sided friendship."

And, of course, always prioritize your own self-care. "Your ability to care for others depends on filling your own cup," Moberg says. "Being a good friend relies on us being a good friend to ourselves—you deserve the kind of nurturing you give to others too."

But if you feel a need to take on a motherly role out of obligation or because that's the role you've always played, Moberg adds, "it's time for deep reflection."