Why You & Your Partner Should Make Play A Priority, From Intimacy Experts

For the past year, many couples have been experiencing what intimacy experts Marla Mattenson and Julian Colker are calling "Groundhog Day Squared": an endless cycle of both stress and boredom.

"As a child you instinctively knew how to play," Colker says. For some people, that playful behavior is eventually discouraged or shut down by the people around them. In those cases it can seem difficult—and embarrassing, even—to tap back into it.

"Play keeps us young on a physical level," Colker says. Engaging in play regularly can support the mind and the body, he explains.

One study shows that "other-directed playfulness1" (aka playfulness in social settings) leads to an increase in physical activity, lower-body strength, and endurance. And, of course, play has an impact on mental health, too. When you're smiling more and laughing together, the brain is going to emit feel-good chemicals, like serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine, Mattenson explains.

While practicing breathwork, listening to a meditation app, or sitting silently in lotus position are a few common ways to practice presence, they're not the only ways. 

"Another way to do it is to be in play, to be in the moment, to be in joy in your relationship," Colker tells mbg. If you're in the middle of play and your mind begins to wander back to your to-do list, acknowledge that, then come back to your playful presence.

When one partner is feeling overwhelmed or too stressed to be turned on, platonic play can offer nonsexual moments of togetherness that still nourish emotional intimacy, Mattenson explains, which can later enhance physical and sexual intimacy. 

It's all too common for long-term couples to fall into a monotonous routine—especially amid the pandemic, where options for date nights and vacations are limited. On top of that, the stress of the past year can lead to emotional and physical distance between couples.

Play can be a welcome antidote to both the monotony and the stress, and it can help couples reconnect and breathe fresh energy into their relationship.