"Every time I started to climax, some stressful thought would enter my mind, and my heart would start racing," my 33-year-old patient Margaret told me during a visit. "I was reading about different types of orgasms the other day, and I’m wondering if maybe exploring a little bit would get me in the mood again."
Margaret had originally visited me for adrenal fatigue and along the way discovered near-constant stress meant her orgasm quota had hit nearly zero. She knew I regularly prescribed orgasms to lower stress and much more, and she was convinced that she really needed those benefits.
Margaret had been married for the past six years, and while her marriage was fulfilling, a stressful work year had killed her passion in the bedroom. During the infrequent times when she did get turned on, something work-related would distract her. She tried orgasming alone, but those same stressful thoughts would creep in, and she couldn’t climax. I agreed with Margaret that aiming for a type of orgasm that was different from what she was used to could pay off in a big way.
I suggested Margaret attempt a cervical orgasm. If you associate your cervix with pap smears and childbirth, not sexy time, I don't blame you. But while cervical orgasms aren't as common as other types of orgasms (like clitoral orgasms), many women do report extreme pleasure from cervical stimulation. So what can you do to make a cervical orgasm happen for you? Here are my suggestions.
Achieving a cervical orgasm requires a strong dose of mindfulness, so if you want to make one happen for you, consider taking up a regular meditation practice. The thing is, cervical orgasms are complicated: They may be more of a combination of stimulation than just the cervix alone. After all, you can access areas around your cervix with deep penetration, and the cervix can aid in stimulating those areas. You’ve heard about a full-body orgasm. That’s how a cervical orgasm feels. And what an experience it is: Cervical orgasms flood your body with healing, feel-good chemicals that lower stress hormones and leave you feeling amazing. Many women say to achieve them, you must be absolutely centered on your pelvis. If you want cervical orgasms, mindfulness matters!
Time it right.
Researchers believe the best time to try a cervical orgasm is a few days before a woman has her period (your cervix is lowest and easier to stimulate then). If you’re ready to try one, relax and start with the basics (like missionary position), and work up to doggy style, which helps you reach the deepest penetration for cervical orgasm. There is no one-size-fits-all here; it’s about exploring what works for your body.
Communicate with your partner.
Communicate with your partner or go easy if you’re using a sex toy. Your cervix can be tender if you hit it too hard, so take it slowly. And keep in mind that deeper penetration isn’t just a physical act for women. Our minds and our emotions are also heavily involved, so don’t be surprised if you have feelings that get stirred up or you have significant life realizations along the way.
Most importantly, have fun. The last thing you need is to create more stress having the "right kind of orgasm." The best thing you can be is open and curious and let it unfold naturally. After all, researchers find that there are plenty of ways for both women and men to experience sexual and sensual.
Once Margaret began approaching sex playfully and got out of her head about how to go about having orgasms, she found she started having them again—and she even achieved a cervical orgasm. In addition to filling her with pleasure, she was able to reap the benefits of regular orgasms, including significantly lowered stress.
Want more insight into the female orgasm? Here's what you need to know.