What It Means To Elope In 2023 & How To Do It Well, From Marriage Experts

When it comes to getting married, many couples opt for a ceremony and reception—but not all of them. Eloping has been around for centuries and has become increasingly popular in more recent years. Whether you're thinking right now that you may want to elope, or are just curious for future reference, here's everything you should know about how to elope, according to marriage experts.

People who elope typically have 20 guests or fewer at their wedding ceremony, if they have any at all, compared to the traditional wedding that may have anywhere from 100 to 300+ guests.

And as licensed marriage and family therapist Weena Cullins, LCMFT, notes, this also relates to the "disapproving family" factor that made eloping what it was in the past. "A couple may want to elope when they want to avoid judgment or disapproval about their decision to wed from others," she explains.

Weddings are infamously stressful to plan, and some couples just don't think it's worth it, Cullins says. As Spinelli adds, eloping lifts that pressure and also allows couples to call all the shots with no outside interference. "Eloping helps couples to set boundaries. They can choose what they want, how they want it, and when they want it," she notes.

Another popular reason for eloping is privacy. Not everyone wants a 200-guest wedding; instead, they might prefer a ceremony that's more private and intimate that reflects who they are, Spinelli says.

Sometimes, the main reason for elopement can simply be a spur-of-the-moment decision. As Cullins tells mbg, "Some couples get swept up in the momentum of their romance and spontaneously decide to get married," adding that eloping offers a way to solidify their commitment in the moment when they just can't wait.

And of course, along with being stressful to plan, weddings are notoriously expensive. For some couples, whether they can't afford a big wedding or would simply prefer to spend the money elsewhere, eloping just makes sense financially, Cullins says. Many couples who choose to elope are then able to use the money they saved to splurge on a honeymoon, house, or other financial goals.

Eloping is a sensitive topic, Spinelli adds, and many couples are afraid they'll hurt the feelings of their families and friends. Ultimately, though, "Remember that eloping is truly about what you want as a couple. Give yourself permission to focus on the kind of experience you want without the guilt," she says.

You can go extremely small and simple with your elopement (think: the courthouse), or you can choose to do something small and private but still extravagant (a fancy dress, photographer, and more). There are even wedding planners, photographers, and other vendors who specialize in elopements, so do your research and decide what makes sense for you and your partner.

For example, you can write personal vows, use heirlooms and keepsakes in the ceremony, and photograph and/or record the experience, she says.

If you do decide to elope, it's important to check the laws wherever you are, especially if you're in another country or hoping to elope in another country. As Cullins notes, "Couples should still take the time to research the legal requirements for getting married in the location of their choice," adding that many states and countries require couples to apply for a marriage license several days in advance.

Be prepared for different reactions, Cullins adds, especially if your reason for eloping is to purposefully avoid conflict or drama. But remember that regardless of reactions, Spinelli says, "this truly needs to be about your wants and needs on your special day."

Spinelli says you can choose to keep your family involved and share the details with them, and even host a photo viewing gathering of the ceremony when you return, for example. The wedding is your oyster, so it's all about what you want, who you want to include, and how you want to celebrate.

If a big wedding isn't your shtick, choosing to elope may be right for you. After all, it's intimate, it's affordable, and it's much easier to plan than a traditional wedding. So whether your elopement looks like a very small ceremony with a few guests or no guests at all, it all comes down to what's best for you and your future spouse.