5 Possible Reasons Your Partner Doesn't Want To Get Married & What To Do

Here are a few common reasons some partners don't want to get married and what to do in each situation:

However, don't be surprised if it isn't easy to get them to open up. Many emotionally injured people build pretty secure vaults for their painful experiences. Timing matters, so proceed with caution and never do more work than your partner is willing to do to help themselves. At the end of the day, you want to know that your partner ultimately made a deeper commitment voluntarily. Providing too much of a push can feel forced and leads to distrust and resentment.

Whether it's traveling on a whim, a demanding career, or simply wanting the ability to change their direction in life without creating a domino effect of change for their significant other, many partners prefer looser commitments that allow them the freedom to dance to the beat of their own drum. It can be quite difficult if not impossible to sell these individuals on the idea of marriage, despite the fact that their free-spirit and ambition may increase your desire to make the ultimate commitment to them.

If you determine that you are looking for a more traditional lifestyle that some married couples build, then perhaps it's time to examine your long-term compatibility with your partner. If they have assured you that they won't change their desire for independence, trust that they know themselves. It may save you a lot of energy in the end.

Some people love commitment but don't like the institution of marriage itself. They may take issue with the idea of getting state approval for their personal relationships or with the idea of governments privileging couples over individuals or with the fraught, heteropatriarchal history of marriage. That said, while they don't like the idea of marriage, they may be very committed to the idea of a lifelong, monogamous partnership—just without the government papers.

As with No. 4, it's important to consider how important the idea of "marriage" is to you. If you and your partner are functionally doing the same thing—being together forever, monogamously, having kids, and growing old together in a house lined with white picket fences—does it matter if you don't use the words "husband" or "wife"? That's something only you can decide for yourself.

It's also possible that they aren't comfortable with your financial situation and fear this will create conflict further down the line. If you and your partner haven't demonstrated that you can build trust or teamwork around managing money, it stands to reason that this may be a factor in your partner's lack of desire to get married. The idea of starting a life together as a cash-poor couple can create an emotional roadblock for some that even the deepest love can't maneuver around.

Take your partner's concerns about finances seriously. Discussing money can be a sensitive subject, but if you haven't made serious strides toward outlining what a financial future together would look like, now is a good time to trade more information. Take an honest look at the state of your own financial affairs. If either of you could benefit from earning or saving more before taking the relationship to the next level, then you may need to consider adjusting your expectations. Your partner's no may actually mean "not yet," so decide if the extra work around finances is worth the investment.

It can be painful to learn that the person you envision spending the rest of your life with doesn't see happily ever after with you. No matter how much chemistry and potential for long-term happiness you may feel exists between you, they simply aren't convinced there's enough "something" to make the ultimate commitment. Despite the amount of time and energy you've previously invested in the relationship, your partner may convey that the relationship is best suited for right now versus the next level. They may not be able to explain the "it" factor that's missing for them, which can make it all the more confusing when your relationship feels incredibly stable and fulfilling.

Marriage is such a serious commitment that you shouldn't have to convince your partner that what you've built together is worth committing their life to. If your partner understands your desire to be married and truly considers your needs alongside their own, they will do the work to explore what's missing and see if it's attainable or spare you the heartache of being in limbo by moving on. This may take time. While your partner develops a deeper understanding of their own needs, evaluate how long you can remain an active and willing participant in the relationship without becoming resentful if it doesn't escalate to marriage. Setting a personal time frame for making a decision can be helpful.

Making decisions against our core values can leave us feeling unfulfilled and unsettled. Therefore, when your partner tells you honestly that they don't want to get married, you should thoroughly assess your core values and take heed to both your needs and theirs. After all, it could save you a lifetime of unhappily ever after.