How To Make Masturbation Feel Better & Enhance Pleasure
How do you start loving yourself from an authentic place? Affirmations, mantras, and meditations can help, but in my humble opinion, the best way to feel good about yourself is to make yourself feel good. When you start to view masturbation as a form of self-care, you can enhance your pleasure exponentially. Here's how to make masturbation feel better by getting more intentional with your techniques.
1. Book time with yourself.
First, get out your calendar and find a 15- to 30-minute window each day when you can be in your preferred place to explore your masturbation practice.
2. Create a space and a context that make you feel comfortable and excited.
Set up a romantic bedroom environment just for yourself. Think of a sexy experience you had in the past, or a favorite fantasy scene, and re-create it to the best of your ability. What made the physical environment perfect for your pleasure? Candles? Dark or natural daylight? Music or quiet?
3. Get yourself in the mood.
Getting in the mood, even for solo play, is sometimes helped with relaxing preparations. Schedule a massage and build in a half hour for yourself after you’re home and relaxed. Take a hot shower with essential oils or a bubble bath with favorite sexy music. A small glass of wine on the first few days is fine, but do try completely sober masturbation to help you get clear and present with yourself.
4. Explore different ways of turning yourself on.
Use erotica, daydream, watch porn, or play music that puts you in the mood. There’s no right or wrong here, just explore different avenues. Not sure where to start? Here's how to figure out what turns you on.
5. Wear something that makes you feel sexy.
Does lingerie turn you on? Choose a flattering outfit to wear just for yourself, or choose sensuous fabrics that feel delicious on your skin.
6. Use mirrors.
If you're feeling really awesome about your body, try masturbating in a mirror and watch yourself get turned on. Even if you don't go that route, exploring your anatomy with a hand mirror before you begin is a wonderful way to get to know your body.
7. Buy yourself a new toy.
Explore the difference between manual stimulation and using gadgets. The experiences can be totally disparate, and you may discover something new about your body. If you don't know where to start, try Babeland.
8. Get wet.
Added lubrication generally makes insertion and sensation more pleasurable, even during solo masturbation. Avoid silicone-based lubricants if you're using a silicone toy, as it can break down the material. If you have a silicone toy, use oil- or water-based lube instead. On the other hand, oil-based lubes like vitamin E oil and Vaseline can break down latex toys, so use a water- or silicone-based lube with those. Always test a small amount of a new lube on your inner labia before you play, to make sure it doesn't irritate your skin.
9. Don't worry about the orgasms.
There is no prize for most orgasms reached. Regardless of climax, you will enjoy the benefits of hormones, self-love, and relaxation.
10. Try tantric masturbation.
Tantric sex is a sexual practice that's all about slow, intentional, high-intensity pleasure. Here's our guide to tantric masturbation, yoni massage (a tantric massage for vulvas), and lingam massage (a tantric massage for penises).
11. Remember that masturbation is a form of self-care.
The right mindset can make a big difference in how much you're able to enjoy masturbation. So embrace your solo sex practice for the healthy habit it is.
There are so many benefits of masturbation that it should be considered part of your self-care routine. Masturbation floods your nervous system with endorphins, dopamine, and oxytocin — the bonding hormone1 — even when climax is not reached. With frequent masturbation you’re relaxing your brain and therefore your body, which can improve digestion and balance your hormones.
On top of all the physical benefits though, masturbation has a serious positive impact on your perception of and relationship with your body. Whether you're in a relationship or single, enjoying your body for your own sake can help you reconnect with your internal sensuality and capacity for pleasure.
When you masturbate regularly, you’ll feel better about your body, because your body is bringing itself pleasure. It’s hard to not be impressed by your body when you let yourself feel what she's capable of doing! (Side note: I call my body “she” rather than “it." I feel like it contributes to a healthier, closer relationship. Use the pronouns that jive with you!)
Knowing how your body works and what really turns you on also makes it easier to ask for what you want when dating, mating, and relating. When you can bring yourself physical pleasure, you don’t need someone else to tell you that you’re sexy. You feel it. You know it.
Taking time for your own pleasure (without the influence or presence of another person and their desires) is a wonderful way to tune out the noises and listen to what your body likes and wants. Here's to discovering new fantasies, thresholds for pleasure, and enhanced well-being.
Alexandra Jamieson is a creative leadership coach for driven women. The co-creator and co-star of Super Size Me and author of Women, Food, And Desire, she is passionate about pleasure, creativity, and positive psychology.
Join her and husband Bob Gower in using their All-In Method.