These 4 Pitfalls Are Causing Anxiety & Stress — Here's How To Avoid Them

What I have come to understand is that more often than not, we cloud our vision as a coping mechanism. Meaning, in response to some sort of challenge or uncertainty, we turn to our go-to form of relief. This makes perfect sense, as all coping mechanisms offer a short-term benefit, such as temporary relief from anxiety and stress. But inevitably, most coping mechanisms reach their limits, and if relied on for too long, they can lead us into a deeper hole.

There will always be more to do than we have hours in the day to do. The "I'll just do more" pitfall leads us into a false comfort zone crammed with volume, motion, and activity. 

When we're in the "I'll just do more" pitfall, we believe that as long as we keep working—harder and longer—we'll be able to add more value, get ahead of others, get more out of life, or just feel OK. 

In this mindset, our lens becomes clouded with all that's going on, and we lose vital track of how our work and choices are connected to passion, contributions, meaning, or progress. Instead, we get caught on a hamster wheel of doing, of sheer activity, and despite our strenuous efforts, we don't get the results we hope for, and we don't have a sense of internal satisfaction in what we're getting done. This mindset is easy to fall into because the world around us tells us this is what we should be doing to succeed.

You know you're in a full-on pitfall when you feel overwhelmed, like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. While you take pride in being someone others need or count on, in this pitfall you start to resent the people you've been trying to support, or you begin to resent those you see leaving the office earlier or perhaps friends or loved ones who are in jobs or have life situations in which they work fewer hours or don't work at all. 

If the first pitfall is about our relationship to volume, then the second is about our relationship to time. 

Looming deadlines, long to-do lists, and overfull inboxes are all realities in modern work life. Meeting deadlines and getting stuff done quickly are important. However, when we've fallen into the "I'll just do it now" pitfall, we've started to overdose on adrenaline, and our responses become knee-jerk and impulsive. 

Rather than demonstrating an appropriate level of urgency for the situation at hand, you've fallen into a constant state of emergency. Rushing is your operating norm. Your conversations, meetings, and emails are all marked by an intensity and sense of urgency that is disproportionate to what the situation calls for. People get blasted with one-liners from your cellphone without context or clarity. In meetings, you dive right in without setting much context or an agenda. In reviews, others may describe you as reactive, abrupt, or overly focused on execution. 

There will always be things we are able to do better or faster than others, and there will always be things we want done a certain way. And frankly, there will always be things we simply love doing ourselves. 

But there comes a point when our instinct to do everything ourselves creates an overdependence on us. When we refuse to wean ourselves off a task and insist on doing it all ourselves, we can create bottlenecks that are detrimental to ourselves, our teams, and the goals we're trying to achieve. 

When you've fallen into the "I'll just do it myself" pitfall, others keep coming directly to you, rather than your team, for information or deliverables. You get involved in many conversations and decisions, and often, your team feels they don't have the autonomy to deliver on their own—they have to wait to talk to you first. You often say things like, "Oh, I'll just handle it" or "He's going to get there—I just need to give him more time and don't mind taking on some of the pieces until then." Even when others offer to help, you ignore or refuse them. Your go-to response is, "No worries, I got this." 

While the first three pitfalls are about coping by exerting your will or finding a way to feel like you're still in control when things around you feel uncertain or out of control, this fourth pitfall is about procrastination or putting yourself last. 

You find yourself often frustrated that you're putting off important things. Other people's needs—or indeed any other need that comes up—take priority over your own agenda, and you find yourself continually sidetracked. There could be an underlying conflict avoidance in play, or perhaps you have weak boundaries with others, either of which makes it easier to put yourself and your own priorities last. Or there could be an underlying fear of failure that's causing resistance to working toward your goals.

Whatever the cause, it can feel like you're not performing up to your potential. You are relentless in reminding yourself of what you're not accomplishing, and you may struggle with a constant thrum of anxiety about not meeting your goals. Putting off or ignoring the big initiatives and objectives, over time, has the potential to derail or even end a career, and the stress of remaining in this pitfall can easily lead to negative impacts on health and relationships. 

It's often easier to think about these pitfalls in the context of what's happening for other people rather than for ourselves. In my case, it's always been easier for me to spot a pitfall happening for a client than for myself. After all, holding up the mirror is never easy.