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38 Questions To Ask On A First Date To Really Get To Know Someone

Kelly Gonsalves
Author:
November 6, 2019
Kelly Gonsalves
Contributing Sex & Relationships Editor
By Kelly Gonsalves
Contributing Sex & Relationships Editor
Kelly Gonsalves is a sex educator, relationship coach, and journalist. She received her journalism degree from Northwestern University, and her writings on sex, relationships, identity, and wellness have appeared at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere.
November 6, 2019

Wondering what to talk about on your next date?

To help people find solid matches with real potential for connection, the dating app OkCupid asks its users more than 3,000 questions that they're free to answer either privately or publicly. (Those responses then get used to calculate a "match" score between you and any other user you come across on the app.) Well, OkCupid recently reviewed its data and released a list of its most answered questions.

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Think of these questions as a representation of what people care most about when it comes to dating, or perhaps they may represent information about themselves that's dearest or clearest to them.

"[People] are prioritizing matching with people who have similar beliefs and values," Melissa Hobley, OkCupid's chief marketing officer, tells mbg. "Beyond the most answered questions, we also took a look at the questions that got our users talking the most. Get this—some of the most commented on questions of all time happen to be recent questions we added in over the last year about border control, climate change, feminism, political beliefs, and voting. We know these are topics our users care about."

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For example, Hobley notes activism around addressing climate change has become part of many people's dating criteria: "It's actually becoming really important for daters. We found that 82% of people are concerned about climate change, and 73% of those users say it's an important issue for them," she explains. "If their partner has different views…that could be an issue for them." 

These were the 19 most answered questions in 2019: 

  1. Best first date?
  2. Could you date someone who doesn't vote?
  3. Are you concerned about climate change?
  4. Do you know anyone who has married someone they met on a dating app? 
  5. Do you prefer that your date shares your political views?
  6. Freedom of the press is… 
  7. Do you answer work emails on the weekend? 
  8. Is it important to you that your partner practices the same religion as you?
  9. How would you feel if your partner earned more money than you? 
  10. Have you attended a protest march? 
  11. Would you live with a partner before marriage? 
  12. Do you watch Game of Thrones
  13. How do you feel about having joint bank accounts in a long-term relationship? 
  14. Are you open to being in a long-distance relationship? 
  15. Would you prefer a group first date or one-on-one? 
  16. Do you meditate?
  17. How often do you speak to your parents? 
  18. Are you currently saving to buy your own home?
  19. Do you speak more than one language?
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These were the 19 most answered questions since the dating app launched in 2006: 

  1. Would you date someone who was in considerable debt?
  2. How important is religion/God in your life? 
  3. Which word describes you better: carefree or intense
  4. Could you date someone who was really messy?
  5. Do you enjoy discussing politics?
  6. Which would you rather be: normal or weird? 
  7. Are you currently employed?
  8. Is astrological sign at all important in a match?
  9. Could you date someone who does drugs?
  10. Do you smoke? 
  11. Choose the better romantic activity: kissing in Paris or kissing in a tent in the woods.
  12. Is jealousy healthy in a relationship? 
  13. Which best describes your political beliefs: liberal/left, centrist, conservative/right, or other?
  14. Are you ready to settle down and get married right now? 
  15. About how long do you want your next relationship to last? 
  16. Do you like scary movies? 
  17. Do you often find yourself worrying about the things you have no control over? 
  18. Which of the following types of intelligence do you value most: logical/mathematical, social/interpersonal, or visual/artistic? 
  19. Regardless of future plans, what's most interesting to you right now: sex or love?

Now those are some real conversation starters for you.

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Kelly Gonsalves
Kelly Gonsalves
Contributing Sex & Relationships Editor

Kelly Gonsalves is a multi-certified sex educator and relationship coach helping people figure out how to create dating and sex lives that actually feel good — more open, more optimistic, and more pleasurable. In addition to working with individuals in her private practice, Kelly serves as the Sex & Relationships Editor at mindbodygreen. She has a degree in journalism from Northwestern University, and she’s been trained and certified by leading sex and relationship institutions such as The Gottman Institute and Everyone Deserves Sex Ed, among others. Her work has been featured at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere.

With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. She’s particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. She believes relationships should be easy—and that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be.

You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter