3 Common Feel-Good Beliefs That Are Actually Holding You Back

Written by Dain Heer, D.C.

Image by Guille Faingold / Stocksy

Do you realize that even in our very modern world, many people use myths to navigate this reality? We may not even subscribe to them consciously, and yet they influence how we perceive our lives, as well as how we think, feel, and act.

Now, the most slippery myths are those that make us feel good—those we really don't want to give up. So we keep the fact that we believe in them hidden, and they become our secret back door.

What if these feel-good myths are actually what are trapping us? What if what seems so innocent and familiar is what holds us back from creating the life we truly desire?

Let's have a look at three very pervasive myths—and the way they limit us.

Myth #1: "The One"

This is a stubborn one. I suspect that a majority of people carry this myth with them in one way or another. It is the age-old romantic idea that there's a perfect person for you, the one that will complete you and make you whole. The one person that will make you feel like you've come home.

Even reading that, doesn't it make you feel…a little better?

Here's the problem: The myth of "The One" creates an impossible ideal that no one can live up to. And once we have the checklist for our "The One" in place, we have to judge everyone we meet against this ideal. Besides, that checklist often is made at a very young age, which means that it often is a 6-year-old's wish list for a prince or princess.

The myth also establishes a never-ending search that consumes us and stops us from finding out and creating the life we truly desire, which may or may not include a relationship.

In my experience, the one you're looking for is actually you. You are the only one that will make you feel whole and home. And if you genuinely would like to create a relationship that contributes to you, your life, and the people who care about, the very first step is to find you.

Myth #2: "Everything is going to be fine."

This feel-good myth is closely related to another one: the "everything happens for a reason" myth. These are extra-tricky ones since they are actually truths with a lie attached.

When things get complicated or messy in life, a lot of us use these two myths as fallback positions to make ourselves feel better. But in reassuring ourselves, we actually trap ourselves in a blind spot and separate ourselves from the very awareness that is required to change the mess. Basically, we behave like the ostrich. We put our heads in the sand and hope that it will make us invisible until the mess passes. Cute, not bright!

Over the years, I've found an alternative way of navigating messy situations that seems way more efficient than the ostrich technique: I ask questions!

Here are some of my myth-busters:

  1. How did I create this?
  2. What would it take for me to have total clarity and ease with all of this?
  3. What is it? What can I do with it? Can I change it? What would it take to change it?
  4. What is right about this that I am not getting?
  5. What else is possible here that I haven't considered yet?
  6. What would it take for this to turn out greater than I could ever imagine?

Now, if you read these questions, you will notice that by asking them, you open up to more choice, more possibilities, and more awareness. That is the road to changing the "mess" you're in.

And yes, everything will be "fine," if fine is what you choose to create! You create everything in your life. You are the reason things happen.

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Myth #3: "Someday my ship will come in."

Many people function from the idea that there is one main thing standing in the way of them being happy. Once that one thing has occurred or materialized, everything will finally be perfect! Maybe it's a promotion, that big lottery win, losing weight, finding "the one," or even retirement. For me, it used to be money. My sentence read: "As soon as I have lots of money, I will be happy."

Do you have one? What would you put between the brackets?

As soon as [fill in your big thing here], I will be happy. 

Whatever it is, it is keeping you trapped! Whenever you buy the myth that one day your ship will come, it will keep you on an eternal treadmill, going nowhere.

Happiness is not conditional. It is a choice—not a destination. The key is that you can choose happiness right now. Even if it is just for a few minutes as a start. It'll show you a different possibility and start to dissolve where you bought the myth as real.

Feel-good myths can be hard to give up; I know this from personal experience. For many, they can seem like the best parts of you, the hopeful and optimistic parts. But when you're willing to go beyond them, the rewards are amazing. You can be present with what is—and what is truly possible for you.

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