How to Clear Your Sexual Blocks & Open Up Sexually

mbg Contributor By Kim Anami
mbg Contributor
Kim Anami is a holistic sex and relationships coach based in Los Angeles and Bali. Her work has been featured at CNN, NPR, Glamour, Elle, Cosmopolitan, Playboy, Marie Claire, The Huffington Post, and many other places.
Expert review by Kristie Overstreet, Ph.D., LPCC, LMHC, CST
Clinical Sexologist & Psychotherapist
Kristie Overstreet, Ph.D., LPCC, LMHC, CST, is a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist with 12 years of clinical experience. She is a licensed counselor in California, Florida, Georgia, and Louisiana. She is also a certified sex therapist, certified addiction professional, and president of the Therapy Department, a private practice in Orange County that provides counseling services throughout the United States.

Is sex an uplifting, rejuvenating, life-affirming, deeply pleasurable, transformative experience for you?

If it isn't, there are ways to get yourself there. Everyone can have an intimate relationship with themselves and their partner that is soul-nourishing and infuses every part of their lives with powerful and revitalizing energy.

To get to a place where you can truly enjoy sex, you need to take the time to examine what stands in the way—aka your sexual blocks. To open up sexually, here are five areas to look at in clearing your sexual blocks to open yourself up to your true, radiant, and sensual nature.

1. Heal any past trauma.

Research shows that sexual abuse can impact sexual functioning and sexual satisfaction later in life, mostly by way of increasing sexual anxiety, decreasing self-awareness, and making it harder to form secure attachments. Sexual abuse, wounding, and boundary violations all create an energy of defensiveness or body armor. Even in loving relationships, our true nature will be buried beneath the residue of this protection until you consciously address and heal what happened.

Rest assured, it's possible to heal from sexual assault. Seek out a qualified therapist who specializes in supporting survivors to help you work though the trauma. You might also benefit from more spiritual modalities like bodywork and energy work.

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2. Examine your belief systems.

Experiencing guilt, anxiety, or shame around sex isn't natural. Sex is your vital, life force energy. It's a natural part of being human, something that's healthy and good for us. (Yes, there are lots of doctor-approved health benefits of sex and benefits of orgasms, too!)

Unfortunately, we live in a culture with a wildly polarizing relationship to sex. Sex is everywhere: in film, television, pop songs, advertising, and social media. Yet, we’re also told that we’re not allowed to have it and enjoy it. So it is understandable that most people have conflicting beliefs about sex.

One of the biggest sources of sexual condemnation and judgment is religion. If you have internalized any of these beliefs—and I think it’s difficult to grow up in this culture and not—you’ll be living them, even if it’s unconscious. That means to open up sexually, you'll need to actively prioritize learning how to have a healthier relationship to sex.

Ask yourself: How do I feel about sex? Where is this belief coming from? Is that what I truly believe, or have I been conditioned to believe that?

You get to choose and recreate your beliefs. As an exercise, create your own sexual manifesto composed of all the things you want to embody in your intimate relationship. Frame it and post it above your bed.

3. Go inside.

You can’t go deep and fearless with another person unless you can go there in yourself. Meditation and yoga are two great tools to bring your attention inward to face the parts of yourself you may have been avoiding. Both practices offer a gentle way to reconnect with your inner being and live more from that place.

Spend time daily, whether it’s a formal, sit-down meditation, a walk-in-the-woods meditation, or a masturbation-meditation (yes, some people use this form of self-love as a spiritual practice) to go inward.

If it’s yoga, commit to a daily routine—even if it’s four minutes as you get out of bed.

Yoga is incredible in opening you up to your own energetic flow. I love how it stretches open the hips and heart—your tools of the intimacy trade—expanding their capacity for love and pleasure.

Yoga will hunt down your blocks and tight areas (I believe all stored tension has an emotional or psychological component to it) and release it. With a regular practice, you keep your system efficiently processing and integrating experiences. You tap into your own natural rhythm of being. Being sexually free and open is part of the natural rhythm of your being.

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4. Cultivate a practice of letting go.

The best sex is a sanctuary in which two people let down their guards to be completely naked with each other. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is hotter, sexier, and more f**able than being totally, authentically present with someone.

“Letting go” encompasses many things: being able to emotionally express yourself, forgiving people, dealing well with stress in an easygoing way, releasing self-doubt, and playing small. The list goes on.

The more you embody letting go in all aspects of your life, it carries over into the sexual realm. This, perhaps more than any other factor, is what takes sex from the junk food to the gourmet, the merely physical to the transcendental.

How much you can peel back your layers and show up as the raw, unobstructed, no-hiding version of you, determines how much you enjoy sex.

Sex isn’t some incidental part of your life or relationship: it’s a massive tool you can use to transform every part of you and unfold into the person you were meant to be.

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