Psalm Isadora is the top tantra expert in the world, and a highly sought-after sexuality, relationship, and trauma expert specializing in women’s health and empowerment as well as modern sexual education. For more of Psalm’s insights on the tantric approach to sex and relationships, explore her class, Tantra 101: Awaken Your Sexuality & Deepen Your Mind-Body-Soul Connection.
A big part of sacred sexuality is learning to love the penis and not be afraid of it.
This lingam massage I am teaching you can be done two ways. The first is for men to learn, so they can practice edging on themselves via masturbation.
In the second method, a partner gives the man the massage. It can be an independent act or foreplay to sex.
Many women I work with are still not totally comfortable with handling a man's penis. If that is the case for you, take some time to reflect on any negative impressions you may have inherited from your parents or your culture.
In Tantra, we connect with our partner on a personal level. We also connect with the universal sexual chi or energy that is in our partner's body as an energetic life force. One way to do this is through the lingam massage. Yes, this is a fancy name for a hand job. But it's done with more thoughtfulness, respect, care, and desire to bring selfless pleasure to your partner.
Unlike your average hand job, the lingam massage involves not only massaging and stroking the penis but can also incorporate more advanced techniques, including the testicles, perineum, and the Sacred Spot (aka the prostate) as well.
Lingam is the Sanskrit word for penis and loosely translates to "wand of light." In Tantra philosophy, we approach the lingam, or penis, from a place of the utmost love and respect, the same way we approach the yoni, or vagina. By bringing a partner pleasure through his “wand of light,” we are filled with that same energy or light in a conscious exchange of energy in giving and receiving pleasure.
Lingam massage is a practice that truly honors a man. We do it to give him pleasure. There is also a tremendous amount of sexual energy or chi in a man's penis. Learning how to stimulate and circulate it is very powerful.
When I went to India to study Tantra and yoga, I was shocked at first to see statues of the Shiva lingam that represented the God Shiva. For most people, it represents a state of meditation. But for ancient Tantric practitioners, this held a secret meaning: that this powerful God energy was in the man's body but especially in the penis, which contains the most masculine essence concentrated in one place.
So, to truly have sacred sex, you need to approach the man's body as a temple and his penis as the most holy place of all.
This isn't about having one orgasm and being done. Instead, it's about trying to feel more and more pleasure that will become waves of multiple orgasms throughout the massage.
Here's how to perform a lingam penis massage on your partner.
For men who want to use this for sacred practice for masturbation and energy cultivation, follow the same instructions yourself.
1. Get him relaxed.
Have your partner lie on his back wherever he is most comfortable. He might like a pillow under his head and/or under his hips. His legs should be spread apart with his knees bent, so you have easy access to all parts of his genitalia. Remind him to breathe deeply. This will assist in a deeper relaxation.
2. Remember to breathe.
Breathing is what separates Tantra from regular sex. While you give your partner the lingam massage, remember to breathe the Bliss Breath: to receive his energy of arousal and pleasure on the inhale and send him loving energy on the exhale.
This special breathing will bring you three benefits:
1. You'll have a deeper feeling of worship or meditation and mindfulness.
2. It will make you more empathetic to his thoughts and feelings.
3. It will heighten your sexual intuition—you'll be more aware of what your partner wants without him having to ask.
3. Encourage your partner to breathe deeply.
Before you start the lingam massage, tune into your partner by engaging in the bliss breath together. Just taking a few breaths at the same time will put you both at ease and match your bio-rhythms. While you give him the massage, keep reminding him to breathe deeply, relax, and receive all the good feelings.
4. Lubricate and massage around the penis.
Use your favorite massage oil (I prefer coconut oil because it smells yummy) to oil the shaft of the penis and his testicles. Start by sliding your hands up and down his thighs before getting to the good stuff. This will also make him feel more relaxed. Compliment him on something you like about what you're seeing and touching.
Move onto the testicles. Gently, slowly massage them. You can use your fingernails gently on his testicles, or pull them slightly. You can also cup them in your hands and fondle them in the palm of your hand.
Massage the area around his testicles and penis (i.e., the pubic bone in the front, the inner part of his thighs, and his perineum—or taint—which is the area between the testicles and the anus).
Be careful with the balls. Men differ greatly as to the kind of touch they like. Some men are more sensitive or ticklish than others. It's OK to ask him how he likes them touched before you start, or even as you start fondling them.
5. Massage the shaft.
Once you've teased the areas around the penis and he's clearly wanting more, move to the shaft of the penis. Vary your grip from harder to lighter. Vary your stroke sequences between straight up and down and a twisting motion.
Vary the action from one hand to two hands. When using just one hand, alternate between using the right hand and the left hand.
Vary the speed from slow to fast. Start slowly and build up to a faster pace, then take it back to a slow speed again. Keep alternating the pressure, speed, rhythm, and methods.
Also, alternate the shaft strokes to start from the root of the shaft all the way up to the head. Once at the head, you can either continue the straight up and down motion, or you can do the twist—going from the root of the shaft and stopping just below the tip of the penis.
Variety is the key here.
When using two hands, you can do it a few different ways:
1. Both hands hold the penis in the same direction with the fingers pointing the same way.
2. One hand holds the penis facing one way and the other hand faces the other way.
3. Both hands move up and down at the same time. Oil is your friend here. It helps create a smoother, gliding motion.
4. The bottom hand moves up and down while the top hand does a swirling/twisting action at the tip of the penis.
6. Don't let him climax. Keep him at the edge of orgasm.
By now, he might be very worked up and might want to come. If you are paying close attention to his breathing, how his body is moving, and his moaning, you should be able to predict if he's nearing orgasm.
When you see him at that edge, pull back on what you're doing, or just slow it down and remind him to breathe and ride the wave of orgasmic feelings he's experiencing.
He might go from being rock hard to semi-hard. Don't worry. That's what's supposed to happen.
7. Stimulate the sacred spot externally.
The Sacred Spot is the prostate, which is a walnut-size gland located between the bladder and the penis. When stimulated properly, it is very pleasurable for men.
You can access the prostate either internally (by inserting your fingers or a prostate massage sex toy into the anus) or externally (through massaging the outside without penetration).
If your man isn't experienced with prostate massage, start externally. To find the sacred spot, look for an indentation somewhere between the size of a pea and a walnut midway between the testicles and the anus. Push gently inward. Be careful to go slowly and let him guide you in terms of pressure.
When you hit the right spot, massage it by pushing in with your fingers or knuckles, then backing off and pushing in again. You can also use a circular massage motion. If he's especially hairy, use more oil so you can get to the area more easily. Or better yet, ask him if you can shave him for easier access.
8. Stimulate the sacred spot internally.
Ask your man if he's interested in taking the prostate massage to the next level with an internal massage. If he's game, you'll want to loosen up his anus with massage oil. Start by massaging the outside of the anus with your fingers in a slow, smooth, and gentle circular motion. Don't insert a finger without his permission. Ask if he's ready for more.
If he is ready for insertion, make sure his anus and your fingers are oiled up. Make sure your nails don't have any jagged edges. Start by inserting just the tip of one finger at first. Wiggle it back and forth to loosen him up. Once he's comfortable with that, you can insert your finger(s) more deeply, as the prostate is about 2 to 3 inches inside the anus, closer to the anterior wall of the rectum.
Once there, you can gently caress it by moving your finger from side to side, up and down, or "milking" it with a come hither motion with your finger(s). Ask him how he's doing as you go. Let him lead.
Prostate massage can sometimes be difficult to do with fingers, which is why so many sex toy companies now sell prostate massagers that you can use when you're ready to take it to the next level.
9. End the massage.
To end the massage, you can allow him to climax with an ejaculation orgasm or move onto intercourse. If he is practicing semen retention, you can have him hold all his juices as he learns to transmute the orgasm from the genitals into whole body energy orgasms.
- 7 Sacred Promises People In Happy Relationships Always Make
- Are You Dating A Sex Addict? Here's How To Tell
- 5 Ways To Never Have Another Bad Date