9 Things That Sex Dream Could Be Telling You & What To Do About It
Not only are sex dreams totally normal, but they can also carry valuable information, according to dream interpreter Lauri Loewenberg. Here, we're rolling through the types of sex dreams people often have, what they could mean, and how to stop having them (only if you want to, of course).
How to interpret your last sex dream.
Interpreting dreams can be a bit confusing, especially when the dreams feel nonsensical or random. But according to Loewenberg, specifics matter—even the random things. Usually, the specifics of dreams relate to some aspect of your real life and have messages or lessons woven into their symbolism.
In the case of sex dreams, she explains, "The main thing to keep in mind when trying to figure out your sex dream is they're rarely about a physical union you want but more about a psychological union." She adds, "If you do actually want to sleep with that person in real life, you already know, and you don't need a dream to tell you that."
So, have no fear if you're happily coupled up and still dreaming about sleeping with strangers or your boss. According to Loewenberg, sex in a dream most often represents a desire to connect to some internal aspect of that person, like a trait or behavior, rather than their physical body.
9 common sex dreams:
With a teacher or boss
Keeping in mind that sleeping with someone in a dream often represents wanting a quality that person has, dreaming about a boss or teacher might mean that "you want the qualities of a boss," Loewenberg explains. "You want more authority, you want to be in charge and make firmer decisions. It could also be that you want to get in good with the boss or connect with them in some way so they'll respect you."
With a stranger or acquaintance
Now, if you've been dreaming about having sex with strangers or people you barely know, you might be unsure what it is about them that you like or want to embody yourself. In this case, Loewenberg suggests looking at what stands out about the dream character.
"Maybe they're very muscular, for example," she says. "If some characteristic or trait really stands out about the person in the dream, that's what they represent. So, muscles would represent your own ability to be strong, handle tough situations, and muscle through something difficult."
With an ex
It's not uncommon to dream about your ex, and if you're sleeping with them, the most obvious reason is that you may simply miss them (or sex with them, at the very least), "especially," Loewenberg adds, "if you're in a dry spell or your current relationship isn't doing it for you in that department."
If it's an ex that you're glad to be rid of, she adds, having sex with them in a dream could actually be an indication that you're coming to peace with that relationship and letting it go.
With a celebrity
We project a lot onto celebrities. And usually, if you're dreaming about sleeping with one, there's something they have that you want. "Remember, connection is the name of the game. If it's [a movie star], there's probably a quality in the character they played that you desire," Loewenberg says.
It's fairly common to dream about having sex in public. Location is important in dreams, Loewenberg says, noting "the setting of a dream, no matter what's going on in the setting, is important to pay attention to because it will typically represent where you are in life or where you are in your heart and mind."
Having public sex in a dream, then, could represent a preoccupation with status or recognition. And depending on who you're sleeping with, you might be seeking recognition for the qualities that person has.
In the bathroom
If you're dreaming about having sex in the bathroom, Loewenberg says you might have "an area of your life where you need to do some cleansing and relieving."
The partner in this dream "could be a message from your subconscious that if you unite a certain quality of this person into your life, into your behavior, it will help you cleanse that negativity."
In the kitchen
The kitchen is all about creation and nourishment, so if you're having sex in a dream there, "that's typically a good sign something is in the works," Loewenberg says.
"To the dreaming mind, the kitchen would indicate that you're cooking up some kind of idea or project that will feed your soul, that will nourish you psychologically, emotionally, perhaps financially." And your partner in the dream, she explains, is a clue to the quality or behavior you can integrate into yourself in order to get your project moving along.
If BDSM (bondage and discipline, sadism and masochism) is showing up in your dreams, there are a few ways to look at it: First, consider whether you are the one dominating or being dominated in the dream, and ask yourself how you feel about it.
In some cases, this dream could indicate you're being too hard on yourself in some way, Loewenberg says. It could also mean you want more control in some area of your life (dom) or alternatively, you wish someone else would take control (sub). And of course, it could also mean you're simply intrigued by the possibility and want to try it in real life.
With a friend
And lastly, if you dreamed you slept with a friend, "it can sometimes be about connecting or coming together on some level psychologically or emotionally," Loewenberg says. "Have you recently connected? Did you have an intimate, revealing conversation or discover you share the same POV or have gone through a similar experience?" The dream would be a reflection of how you connected or, perhaps, how you want to connect.
Can you stop having sex dreams?
Of course, dreaming about sex isn't typically someone's worst nightmare. But, if it's recurring, intrusive, or you just don't want to keep dreaming about someone you don't actually want to sleep with, Loewenberg does offer some advice.
"The best way to make a dream stop is to take action on the message it's giving you," she says, adding, "A dream is going to nag you and keep giving you the same message again and again until you listen and take action." So, if you keep dreaming about your boss, for example, "Then take the message and run with it," she says. "Start being a boss in your own life. Start taking charge, and the dream will stop."
To figure out the message, remember the main thing you want to do is "ask yourself, in what way do I need to connect with this person?" Loewenberg notes, as well as what it is you admire or respect about them. From there, you can start to embody whatever that quality or trait is.
The bottom line.
All dreams are mysterious and up for interpretation. Sex dreams are no exception. But rest assured that they don't always need to be taken literally. In fact, they usually don't.
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Sarah Regan is a Spirituality & Relationships Writer, as well as a registered yoga instructor. She received her bachelor's in broadcasting and mass communication from SUNY Oswego, and lives in Buffalo, New York.