Sex & The Enneagram: What Each Type May Secretly Want In Bed

During sex, it's a good rule of thumb to approach it with a sense of open-mindedness and adventure. If you want to spice it up but don't know where to start? Consider turning to the Enneagram.

Not only is the Enneagram a useful tool to determine our core motivations and desires in our personal and professional lives, but it can also tease out any hidden erotic curiosities in sex. 

Ones (aka Reformers) can sometimes find it difficult to give in to their natural desires, viewing their fantasies as "bad" or "dirty." If they see it as something embarrassing or shameful, they can unconsciously repress it, which manifests in how they express themselves physically and experience pleasure. But sometimes being so in control and wrapped up in judgment can lead to a fantasy of wanting to be out of control and diving into the deliciousness and rebellion of cutting loose. 

Twos (aka Helpers) are often the masters of seduction, but it can be hard for them to be at ease with being personally seduced themselves—they're used to being on the other side of the coin. They can be uncomfortable with sweet and tender intimacy where they're receiving attention since it can make them feel like they're selfish. Twos can feel as if their pleasure is a burden and their needs are too much, so they have to earn it. Therefore, Twos can get caught in a trap of trying to be seen as the perfect partner and making sure their partner's needs are fulfilled while ignoring their own. 

Threes (aka Achievers) have a tendency to "do" their feelings in their relationship. They can detach themselves from how they're really feeling as they project a version of themselves that feels worthy of love. Threes can inadvertently carry this limited way of feeling and being into the bedroom. Depending on stressors, they may keep deep intimacy within sex at an arm's distance so they don't have to be fully present or vulnerable, even if they're not aware that they're doing it. When Threes can meet sex in an authentic place where there's no pressure to perform, excel, or dazzle, they can relax and melt into what simply feels good for them and just be. 

Fours (aka Individualists) are romantic and passionate lovers who crave intensity and can be sensitive about being in an environment that can help them feel creatively expressive and sexually autonomous. The problem is they can focus too much on what could be missing and/or lacking with what they currently have, creating a push-pull dynamic and feelings of longing. Since they're fairly attuned to their fantasies, they and their partners should be open to experimentation and creating the right conditions. Fours want to feel sensual, confident, and wanted. 

Fives (aka Investigators) have a rich inner world and can apply their mind and energy to acquiring knowledge and diving into their interests. But being so heady can limit how they demonstrate expression and affection. Since they can be disconnected from their body, sex offers an opportunity for Fives to drop back into themselves and be present. 

Sixes (aka Loyalists) are devoted, committed, and extremely loyal in their relationships. They fight for their partner and can stay unwaveringly firm in their connection. However, Sixes can also be anxious and doubtful of true intentions, which they may project onto their partners. Priming Sixes with feelings of unconditional support and comfort is essential foreplay to them, ensuring they are in a place to receive. 

Sevens (aka Enthusiasts) often already bring a playful attitude of experimentation and a joyful enthusiasm to sex. They may have a hedonistic urge for exhibitionism and exploring pleasure in its multitudes: ethical nonmonogamy, voyeurism, threesomes and group sex, playing with gender roles, etc. Sevens can quickly become bored by predictability, so keeping things intriguing by maintaining an open mind and sexually generous attitude is extremely attractive to them. 

Eights (aka Challengers) are often passionate and straightforward in their lusty pursuit for pleasure, leading them to possess an aura of strong self-confidence. They are charismatic and charming partners who enjoy empowering their partner and also having sex in all of its vigor: Eights are the Enneagram type most likely to fight with their partner and resolve it with a passionate romp in bed. 

Nines (aka Peacemakers) are usually receptive, affirming, and accepting lovers. They tend to emphasize and nurture qualities of comfort and peace, and this may translate to the bedroom. Sex can feel familiar, and nines are often plenty satisfied sticking with their favorite tried-and-true sexual positions. They could be intrigued to try out something new, but they may not be the first one to make the call since they're not the type to initiate. 

The Enneagram is a dynamic system, and depending on awareness, health, and stress levels, you can shift and move to other points on the diagram. The same goes for sex. Some of the above may resonate for you; others might not.