Intimacy vs. Isolation: How This Stage Of Psychosocial Development Shapes Us

Intimacy versus isolation is the sixth stage of Erik Erikson's theory of psychosocial development, occurring between the ages of 18 and 40. The theme of this stage is intimacy, which refers to forming loving and intimate relationships with others. Adults who successfully complete this stage go on to have healthy, satisfying relationships.

"Erikson suggests that in early adulthood, we encounter the psychosocial crisis of intimacy versus isolation," psychologist Karin Anderson Abrell, Ph.D., explains to mbg. "We navigate ways we'll express and receive intimacy with friends, family members, and romantic partners."

As somatic psychologist and licensed marriage and family therapist Holly Richmond, Ph.D., LMFT, CST, tells mbg, we can start to understand intimacy by breaking down the world itself: "into me see." What does that mean? "We're talking about empathy and vulnerability—that's how you cultivate intimacy," she says.

Intimacy involves "connecting deeply and authentically with another—sharing who we are, what we're about, and how we feel," Abrell adds. This is important because it offers us what psychologists call social support. "A myriad of studies find those of us with solid and reliable social support fare better in a variety of realms—including our emotional and psychological well-being and even our physical health," she notes.

According to Abrell, "It's counterintuitive, but the most important tip for building intimacy is to cultivate and solidify your identity." That's because the stage before intimacy versus isolation is identity versus role confusion, and Erikson asserted we can't experience intimacy until we've established our identity, Abrell explains. "We can't bond with others if our identity remains porous or fragmented. True intimacy necessitates two individuals—each with a strong sense of self—choosing to engage with one another."

Isolation occurs from a lack of intimacy. "Isolation is just like it sounds—lacking connections, struggling to engage with others, and avoiding emotional attachments," Abrell notes.

Oftentimes, isolation can stem from issues surrounding attachment, self-worth or self-image, and intimacy. The stage before intimacy versus isolation is identity versus role confusion, Abrell notes, and if there's still work to be done there, intimacy can feel like a challenge.

"There's no intimacy without connection, and if we're too in shame, too in self-doubt, or too much in insecurity, we can't connect," Richmond explains.

Intimacy versus isolation is one of the longest developmental stages in Erikson's theory, so if you think you're dealing with isolation, don't worry—it can take time to build up your capacity for intimacy and fulfilling relationships, and that's OK. You also don't have to do it on your own.

"Isolated individuals can absolutely move toward connection through therapy, support groups, and social skills training," Abrell says, adding that again, "self-reflection, self-exploration, and cultivating one's identity will assist in overcoming isolation." Very often, isolation can be rooted in a fear of rejection, she notes, so by bolstering our identity, "we gain the courage to embark upon the risk-taking inherent in relating to others."

In Erikson's theory, each stage represents the main theme or conflict of that period of one's life, and with intimacy versus isolation, the objective is to cultivate and, more importantly, learn how to cultivate meaningful intimate relationships. Without them, we ultimately won't feel wholly fulfilled.

"Intimacy is all about feeling seen, feeling understood, and not feeling like you have to sacrifice a piece of yourself to be loved," Richmond explains, adding if we can't connect, we can't be intimate, which leads to isolation.