How To Stop Ghosting People (aka How To Reject Someone Kindly)

Let's face it: No one likes awkward situations, and unfortunately, dating is chock-full of them. While these often happen with people you've recently met and aren't strongly invested in, these people deserve the same amount of respect you'd give anyone else. By choosing to enter the dating world, you also need to commit to treating the people you meet with kindness—aka not ghosting them.

A recent Dating.com survey found that 75% of people have ghosted someone they were casually dating, and 92% of people have been ghosted. I don't know about you, but that sounds like a lot of unnecessary confusion and pain to me. 

So, let's stop this painful bit of dating. As licensed mental health counselor Grace Suh, Ed.M., LMHC, LPC, tells mindbodygreen, "Even casual dating needs a formal breakup to close the chapter and move on. You may feel awkward to have the conversation, but the other person may not have considered the relationship to be casual and needs clear directions as to where the relationship will go."

To break the cycle of ghosting, we have to first dig into why people turn to it so often. Again, no one likes to feel awkward, and telling someone you're not into them may be the ultimate awkward moment. "Some people feel compelled to ghost someone because they would rather avoid an awkward conversation and not risk hurting their feelings by ending things," Maria Sullivan, vice president of Dating.com, tells mindbodygreen. "People sometimes think it is easier to just stop answering messages and lose all connection with a person they were dating."

To justify skipping that uncomfortable conversation, people often tell themselves that fading out is nicer than rejecting someone. In reality, you're leaving them waiting and unsure instead of giving them the ability to just move on.

Once you've done that, it's time to rip the Band-Aid off. "Direct statements like, 'I don't think we're a great fit together. Let's talk about how we can close things off.' or 'I'd like to see other people,' or even a polite no thank you when invited on another date are all ways to initiate an ending," sex and relationship therapist Shadeen Francis, LMFT, tells mindbodygreen. "Balancing constructive or critical feedback with positive or appreciative comments can help the other person receive the message better—but you don't have to sugarcoat it."

It may be a cheesy saying, but it's an accurate one to live by. "Do not give mixed signals or false hope. Maybe not at the moment, but the other person probably will appreciate your honesty and you not giving the relationship false hope," Suh says. By providing them with a clear message, they can move on without any questions or uncertainty.