The Extended Orgasm: How To Make Orgasms Last Longer
Most sexual encounters follow a similar trajectory: There is an ascension, we reach a peak of pleasure at orgasm, and this is followed by intense pelvic contractions and a burst of ecstasy. Then we see an energetic descent. But there are ways to make these orgasmic feelings last longer and to retain that sexual energy you drum up during sex, so you can extend the feeling of heightened pleasure and have so-called marathon sex. The secret is in the extended orgasm.
What is an extended orgasm?
An extended orgasm is an orgasm that doesn't take the form of a "peak" or "release" but instead is an expanding, long-lasting orgasmic feeling felt throughout the body that can last for hours or even days.
It's related to many spiritual sexual practices, including semen retention (wherein a penis owner learns to orgasm without ejaculating, thus allowing for multiple orgasms for men), sexual transmutation (wherein you transmute sexual energy into creative energy to fuel other areas of your life), and the energy orgasm.
The main idea: Sex is a major energy source. Every time you have sex, you have the power to create new life. What if you can take that power and channel it into your day-to-day existence?
You can. But most people, even if they are sexually active, don't harness and utilize the power of their sexual energy. Instead, they leak it unconsciously. The life force energy that is the essence of our sexual connection builds and peaks at orgasm, but then we often release that energy out of our bodies instead of retaining it.
Men are especially vulnerable to this energy loss. Consider the cliché of the man who has sex and rolls over and goes to sleep immediately. One of the major reasons I took up tantra and Taoist sexual energy practices (beyond the spiritual dimension they add to sex) was so I could help my lovers to last much longer.
There doesn't have to be an energetic decline after orgasm. You can tap into that cycle and draw that energy back in for yourself. After sex, you ought to feel vibrant, witty, calm, heart-centered, tingly all over, and happy to be alive. The extended orgasm is one way to extend and expand your orgasmic energy to sustain that heightened experience of pleasure and euphoria.
How to have longer-lasting orgasms.
The key to all of this is expanding and recirculating your orgasmic energy. At the usual orgasmic peak that most people experience during sex, most people eject all of that high-quality energy out of their bodies. Instead, for the extended orgasm, you bring that energy back in.
You do this through breathing. If you practice yoga, that same four-count inhale, four-count exhale (or longer) Vinyasa flow breath can help you have a longer-lasting orgasm, aka an expanded or extended orgasm.
Most people tend to hold the breath, breathe very shallowly, and tighten up the body as they approach orgasm. All of these things curtail energy flow. Instead, imagine having sex that's like a yoga class: You breathe steadily throughout. When you get into a demanding position, instead of holding your breath, you learn to default to your breath. It carries you through to the other side. Afterward, you feel like you broke through some stuck part of yourself. You've grown.
As we see in yoga, breath carries energy. We could even say that one of the main points of yoga is the movement of energy: releasing and clearing stagnant energy and bringing awareness to unconscious areas in our physical and emotional bodies. The poses are simply vehicles for this process. The same applies in sex.
By ensuring we breathe steadily throughout the sexual encounter, we redistribute our sexual energy throughout our bodies. This energy is even stronger and denser than regular chi or prana. In fact, the Taoists had a separate name for it: "ji." When we recirculate this potent ji throughout our systems, less of it escapes at the moment of orgasm. In fact, it doesn't have to escape at all.
What happens when you expand this flow of sexual energy is that you expand the experience of orgasm. It goes from being a very distinct burst of pleasure to a feeling that spreads throughout the body, giving rise to the term full-body orgasm.
And it goes on. And on. And on. For hours. Sometimes days. Even when the physical contact stops, the feelings carry on.
What it feels like.
Imagine being perched on the edge of orgasm all night. Or day. You can ride this edge for as long and as deeply as you can breathe. Although this might sound torturous to some (a good kind of torture), trust me, it's pure euphoria. By channeling your sexual energy consciously in your body, that flow spreads into all that you do. You feel revitalized, connected, and tuned into the rhythms of life.
It also puts you in the running with Sting for marathon sex.
Kim Anami is a holistic sex and relationships coach based in Los Angeles and Bali. Her work has been featured at CNN, NPR, Glamour, Elle, Cosmopolitan, Playboy, Marie Claire, The Huffington Post, and many other places. Over the last two decades she's taught thousands of clients about sexuality, orgasms, and sex techniques, incorporating Tantra, Taoism, Osho, Transpersonal psychology, and other modalities.