How To Handle The Narcissist In Your Family This Holiday Season In 5 Steps

For some, spending time with loved ones is exactly what makes the holidays so special. But if you have a narcissist in the family, let's be real—family time can be the very thing you dread the most about the season.

According to psychotherapist Babita Spinelli, L.P., before you even head over to your family gathering, you'll want to have an action plan for dealing with this person (or people). Namely, she suggests, take time to reflect on the kinds of boundaries you might need to set.

Once your plan is set and you're actually at the gathering, we suggest leaning on the grey rock method whenever possible. If you've never heard of it, it's essentially a method for dealing with dark personality types and involves becoming as boring and uninteresting as a grey rock.

Spinelli always recommends using this method when you have to interact with a narcissist, and she tells mindbodygreen that some keys include responding briefly, minimizing engaging and/or convincing in conversations, investing less emotionally in interactions, or leaving interactions quickly.

When you're dealing with a narcissist, don't be surprised if it seems like they're deliberately trying to bother you—because they very well might be.

As clinical psychologist Perpetua Neo, DClinPsy, previously told mindbodygreen, toxic people will put you down, insult you, and even make jokes about something you're sensitive about, just to get a rise out of you. "All they want is to make you squirm—they thrive on that," Neo notes.

Speaking of boundaries, there's an important component around self-empowerment that we want to call out. As licensed marriage and family therapist Rachel Zar, LMFT, CST, previously told mindbodygreen, we think setting a boundary sounds like, "Please don't ask me about politics," but what it actually sounds like is, "If you ask me about politics, I won't respond." Or, as another example, instead of, "Can you not bring up family gossip around me?" you would say, "I will not participate in family gossip."

Finally, when all else fails, make sure you have a plan for what you'll do if things get heated. As Spinelli suggests, regularly check in with yourself to make sure you're not too depleted or dysregulated, and remove yourself for a bit if need be. (Maybe this looks like going to the bathroom, offering to take the dog out, taking a phone call—do what you have to do to pause and regroup.)