How To Deal With People Who Are Constantly Complaining, From A Therapist

Once in a while, we all need to vent our grievances. But when it comes to chronic complainers—aka people who just always seem to have something negative to say—it can become exhausting to be around them.

To understand how to handle chronic complainers, it's first important to recognize that they may not even realize they're doing it. As Tawwab explains, "People who are chronic complainers are not aware that they're chronic complainers—they think that they're just talking." They may not realize they're going on their third, fourth, or fifth complaint in a row.

So, how does Tawwab recommend dealing with chronic complainers? For one thing, you have the opportunity to shift the conversation—or ideally, try to start the conversation on a positive note.

"One wonderful thing we can do with chronic complainers is start the conversation in a way that you want it to go," she tells mbg. Make a mental list of the topics they often complain about and avoid mentioning them, Tawwab advises. "There are topics not to ask these people about, you know...If you start talking about politics, and you're like, 'Oh my gosh, why did I bring that up?'" Well, next time, just don't!

Additionally, she says to be aware of how you think about setting boundaries. Oftentimes people think they're setting boundaries when they're actually just trying to change the other person. "You can determine how you listen. You can determine what you do when they complain. But you can't make them stop complaining," she notes.