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What Are Energy Vampires? What It Means & How To Manage

Jen Nicomedes Stone
Updated on September 14, 2020
Jen Nicomedes Stone
Feng Shui by Jen
September 14, 2020

I consider myself enormously fortunate to have people in my life who shared my enthusiasm and give me heartfelt support. But have also been people who don't do so.

I recall moments when my encounters and conversations made me feel unworthy, stupid, unloved, offended, fearful, and even sick. We can call them energy vampires—the people who only “take” from you, and leave you feeling emotionally drained. Energy vampires can be your family, friends, clients, colleagues, teachers, neighbors, lovers, or even strangers.

The 6 types of energy vampires

  • There is the blamer, who lays blame on everyone else without ever taking any responsibility.
  • The guilt trippers use shame to get what they want.
  • Jealous bees can never genuinely feel happiness for anyone else.
  • Then there are the insecure ones, who pull others down to their level of low self-esteem.
  • The fun haters seem unable to embrace joy. The bullies stomp on the little guys to elevate their egos.
  • The Debbie downers, the whiners, the short-tempers, the gossipers, the drama queens, and the list goes on…

Whatever form they take, energy vampires have one thing in common: They cannot create or sustain their own life force in any positive manner. So they latch on and feed off on others, slowly sucking the life out of them.

How to reevaluate your relationships

The thing is, relationships are always an exchange of energy. People either uplift us… or they don’t. In order to continue to stay and do our best, it's important safeguard our physical, emotional, and mental energy.

Here are some things to think about when considering if someone is worth keeping in your life:

  • If your relationship with a person has changed, did it get better or worse?
  • Can you wholeheartedly trust that person with your dreams, fears, secrets, or your heart?
  • Do you feel valued, loved, balanced, and supported?
  • How would you describe the quality of energy exchange? Is it an equal exchange or one-sided?
  • Can you truly be yourself without fear of being judged, mocked, or ridiculed?
  • If someone drains you, explore the root cause of your attachment and ask: Can the relationship dynamic shift?
  • And then you’ve got a decision to make: keep the relationship going… or not?

Of course, you may not be able to “let go” of your sourpuss boss, your clingy high school friend, or your manipulative sister-in-law. You may not want to, either. In that case, you can learn to cope by creating “energetic boundaries.” By doing so, it can help you interact with them easier while keeping your energy intact.

Seven ways to cope with energy vampires:

  1. Take a deep breath and let it go! There’s no need to allow their words or actions to linger and take up space in your heart and mind.
  2. Recognize when their words or actions are unacceptable. Don’t give them permission to leech your energy.
  3. Keep things light and change the focus. Learn not to react on impulse; instead, go with the flow, and tactfully bring the situation back to neutral ground.
  4. Remind yourself of the purpose of your bond or connection (e.g., why is this person in your life, how are you associated with them?), and know that you are allowed to walk away.
  5. Take a step back by putting their words or actions into perspective. Their behavior is a reflection on them, not you.
  6. Visualize a protective light around you, like an energy shield. This can help you remain energetically neutral without letting their words or actions cut or affect you.
  7. Affirm your self-worth. You deserve to be surrounded by positive, genuine, and caring people who inspire you to be your very best.
Jen Nicomedes Stone author page.
Jen Nicomedes Stone
Feng Shui by Jen

Jen Nicomedes Stone is an International Feng Shui and Destiny consultant and the founder of Feng Shui by Jen®, providing intimate and personally tailored consulting services. She was personally hand-selected by world renowned expert Grand Master Raymond Lo to be his representative on behalf of the Raymond Lo School of Feng Shui and Destiny in the United States, an honorary title not held by anyone else in the world. She currently teaches the school's Feng Shui curriculum in the US and overseas. For a list of her upcoming 2016 class schedule, please visit Jen is also an Arizona licensed realtor and freelance writer.

Her new book, The First Guidebook for Feng Shui Enthusiasts, is available on