When I studied Tantra in India for nine years, I was especially inspired by the concept of sacred sexuality. It's an ancient idea that is lost on many Westerners. I especially loved the idea of approaching a woman's body—particularly her vagina—with a sense of worship.
The vagina is called yoni in Sanskrit and loosely translates to "a sacred space." In Tantra philosophy, we approach the vagina from a place of the utmost love and respect. Yoni massage is a practice intended to truly honor a woman, to give her selfless pleasure, and to explore the sacred side of our sexuality.
This isn't about having one orgasm. It's about trying to feel more and more pleasure that will become waves of multiple orgasms throughout the massage. It can be done alone, or done by a partner, either individually or as foreplay to lovemaking.
It's especially beneficial for women who have never had orgasms.
Yoni massage allows you time to slowly explore your body in a more sensual way. It can also help women who have one orgasm and feel finished to achieve multiple orgasms. It can be very healing for those who have suffered sexual trauma in their past, because the approach and technique is all about giving to the woman—making her feel loved, cherished, worshiped, and honored.
As part of my work as a sex and Tantra coach, I'm helping to modernize the ancient secrets in the Kama Sutra.
Here's how to start exploring:
1. Set the scene.
As you must when exploring all new things, start with an open mind, open heart, and no judgment of yourself or your body. Lie on your back in a comfortable place with a pillow under your hips, your knees up, and your feet on the ground. Have your favorite massage oil handy. I prefer coconut oil for its silky feel and sensual aroma.
2. Connect to your breath.
Breath work is a key element in any Tantra practice. The one we'll use here is called Bliss Breath. Constrict the back of your throat, inhale, and hear a whispering sound, then exhale and release that sound again. Continue to take deep, slow, and audible breaths.
This grounds you in your body and keeps you out of your head, and it helps to spread the orgasmic energy throughout your body. We don't want the energy just in your clitoris. This type of deep breathing can help move that energy from the yoni to all parts of your body.
3. Warm up.
While clitoral stimulation is great foreplay for sexual intercourse, a body massage or tantric breast massage is a great warm-up for the yoni massage. The goal here is to get relaxed and slowly build arousal.
Start with some coconut oil on the belly and gently massage there. The belly is an often overlooked area of the woman's body but has many nerve endings. Massage the rib cage, between the breasts, and the lower abdomen.
Once the body begins to respond, slowly circle the breasts before circling the areola—don't touch the nipples yet. Once her body responds more, begin to tease the nipples by alternating between circles and light pinching, and between light, medium, and strong touches.
(Get the full rundown on how to perform a tantric breast massage here.)
The Five Yoni Massage Techniques
Once you've warmed her body up with a breast massage and nipple stimulation, move on to the yoni massage.
Circle the tip of the clitoris with the tip of your finger to stimulate arousal, varying from smaller circles to larger ones. Alternate the pressure from light to heavy.
2. Pushing and pulling
Push down on the clitoris and make small push and pull strokes, and then slide your finger down the shaft of the clitoris. Do this on both sides of the shaft, keeping in mind that some women are more sensitive on one part of the clitoris than another.
3. Tugging and rolling
To tug the clitoris, pull it gently away from the body by grasping at the sides and tugging back and forth. You can also move lower and tug the sides of the lips. Keep varying strokes from the top of the clitoris to down to the lips. To roll the clitoris, start by holding it firmly and rolling between the thumb and the index finger—kind of like you're making a tiny violin motion with your fingers.
Using one or more fingers, tap the clitoris in varying rhythms from fast to slow to learn what the body responds to most.
5. G-spot massage
To find the G-spot, curve your first two fingers like the letter C and slide them into the vagina. Feel for a soft, spongy piece of skin behind the clitoris. You can massage it by making a come hither movement with your curved fingers. Vary between fast and slow strokes. You can also tickle the clit simultaneously at the tip, or place pressure on or above the pubic bone.
Make sure to mix up all the above and vacillate between stimulating the clitoris in the various ways, while also involving the G-spot and nipples.
What is edging and how do you do it?
The goal is to reach the edge of orgasm over and over again. When the body seems ready to explode, slow it down, pull away, then build it back up again to create multiple waves of orgasms instead of just one.
During the cool-down periods, place your hand on the heart to help keep the body grounded, connected, and feeling loving energy. Then build the arousal back up to the edge of orgasm once again, and then back off and slow it down.
The longer the foreplay or the back and forth, the more pleasure will be experienced.