How To Know If You're Choosing The Right Partner For You

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Many of us know what it’s like to choose the wrong type of person to be in a relationship with. Unfortunately, it’s a common experience to feel like you don’t make good decisions when it comes to love. Either you don’t know how to tell if someone’s right for you to begin with, or you choose a partner, only to find out that it wasn’t a good match in the end.

This experience of not knowing how to choose the right person can make dating really scary! If you don’t trust yourself to choose well, you’re bound to feel uneasy and unsure when looking for love. And we all know that’s not a good position to be in. So, is there actually a way to be sure that the person you’re choosing is right for you? I believe there is, and that’s what this article’s about.

In order to create full, loving relationships, we have to first find that love within ourselves.

When it comes to making any decision in your life, what you have to determine is: am I making this decision from the energy of fear, or am I making this decision from the energy of love? Let me explain what the difference is and why this is important.

Your energy dictates how your life unfolds. Everything you experience is an extension of what is happening inside of you.

If you feel connected to yourself internally, then your energy reflects that connection. You feel full, alive, knowing, and loved. This inner-connection causes you to feel stable and whole as you are. And therefore, what you go on to create feels stable and whole, too.

However, if you’re disconnected from yourself, then you’re energy is in a state of disconnection, uneasiness, and insecurity. You don’t know who you are, you don’t know where you’re going, and you don’t trust yourself. From this internal­ position of disconnection, you'll create experiences that feel disconnected, confused and incomplete.

Your internal connection is the defining factor in how your life unfolds. That’s a big statement — and it’s completely true.

When it comes to choosing a potential partner, the most important factor (in fact, the ONLY factor) that you have to pay attention to is the energy motivating your decision.

Are you choosing from a place of fear, or are you choosing from a place of love? The difference will determine whether or not you choose the right partner for you, and how the relationship unfolds. Here’s how to know which position you’re in.

When you choose someone from fear, it feels like this:

  • I’m hurting from a breakup.
  • I’m lonely.
  • I want to feel loved.
  • I want to feel seen.
  • I want to know that I’m special.
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On the other hand, when you choose some from love, it feels like this:

  • I love my life and I look forward to sharing it with someone.
  • I have so much love within, and I’m excited to share it with a partner.
  • I honor who I am and I want to honor my soul mate, too.
  • When I stand in my truth, I know I’m meant to have an incredible relationship.

Can you feel the difference in the energies of these two positions? Choosing from fear is seeking a relationship to fill a hole within yourself. Choosing from love stems from the energy of fullness, and wanting to expand into even­ more love.

When we attract, create and manifest from a position of love, what we call into our lives is of the highest­ good. You can’t go wrong from this position!

Choices made from love will always create more love, because they are an extension of that energy — an extension of love. While it makes sense why we’d seek love and connection out of fear (because it doesn’t feel good to be lonely or disconnected), we have to realize is that in order to create full, loving relationships, we must first find that love within ourselves.

Whatever energy you’re leading with is going to be infused into the relationship you create. You can’t attract the right partner from the position of fear!

Knowing all this, how can you move out of fear and into love, so you can choose the right partner for you? You do the internal work. You find love within.

We’re all connected to an infinite source of love within ourselves. Love is a quality of energy that’s available to you when you drop into the deep knowing of who you are.

Through meditation, yoga, spiritual practice, and quiet reflection (to name a few ideas), you can find the energy of love, fullness, connection and completion within you. And as you meditate and simmer in that feeling of internal ­love,you become it.

And when you become it, your life and relationships become infused with it. It’s as simple as that.

Your work — your only work —­ is to find and cultivate the love within you. In doing so, you won’t have to worry about making the wrong choices again; you’ll always make decisions in life and love that are right for you.

Please leave a comment below telling us how you’re going to start making more decisions from a position of love. And if you want to know how I can help you infuse your life and relationships with a lot more love, sign up here.

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Shelly Bullard

Shelly Bullard, MFT is a Marriage and Family Therapist, Love Coach and Spiritual Teacher. She's the author of the eBook: How to Become the Most Attractive Version of Yourself which she offers for FREE (click here to receive your free copy). She's also the instructor of the popular mbg courses: How To Become The Most Attractive Version of Yourself & How to Attract a Partner Who's Ready for Deep, Devoted Love. Shelly believes that when you access the experience of Love within yourself, your relationships become deeply fulfilling and you become the person you’re meant to be. She was named the “Love Guru” as one of the 100 Women to Watch in Wellness by mindbodygreen, and her deepest passion is living and practicing love and relationships as a spiritual path. To learn more about how she can help you create more love in your life, visit her at:
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