A Beginner's Guide To Shibari, The Beautiful Japanese Form Of Rope Bondage

Ever fantasized about being tied up or tying your partner up in the bedroom? Over the years, BDSM—which covers bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, and sadomasochism—has become increasingly popular. One popular form of bondage is shibari, also known as Japanese rope bondage.

Over the past decade or so, shibari has also become very popular outside of Japan. Today it's enjoyed by consenting adults in private, in addition to being a staple in stage performances in kink-themed bars and in porn, she says. 

Other misperceptions include the following:

"It's been so for people who enjoy other forms of kink, such as leather bondage, flogging, ordeal play, and dominance and submission, just to name a few," she explains. "Japanese Rope can be a naughty bit of sexual play or stillness of self in a chaotic world, and everything in between."

"You don't have to study and master complex forms that might not even be healthy for you or your partner's body. A few basic ties, such as one or two-column ties and maybe a simple body harness, is fine, good, and hot kink fun for most people. When it comes down to it, it's about tying each other for shared fun and sensual delight. It shouldn't be intimidating or irritating," she says.

From the outside looking in, shibari may seem like it's solely focused on sexual pleasure, but that's not always the case. According to certified sex educator Dainis Graveris, different people have different motivations for engaging in this type of rope bondage. People often do feel aroused by the body awareness that they experience during and after shibari, he notes, but not every experience needs to include sexual stimulation. "However, you'll still experience something intimate and feel closer to the other person because of the trust involved in the experience."

To make sure you remain in control of the situation and that you won't be in so much pain that the experience becomes unpleasant, make sure that you clarify your boundaries from the get-go. You can also come up with safe words and discuss nonverbal cues, like what it might look like if you're doing OK or if you're distressed. 

"Western rope bondage entails more of a functional role or tying someone up for the purpose of restraining. On the other hand, shibari cares more about the aesthetics of tying someone up," he explains. "The former uses tying as a foreplay practice where couples get to have sex right after. Meanwhile, each tie means something in shibari. One can say that the experience from shibari comes from the process of being tied or tying—what happens during play and not what comes after, i.e., sex."

"The delicious secret about rope bondage and shibari fun that most people don't talk about is that it requires close contact, lots of good skin sensation from light to deep, and ongoing sexy communication," Midori says.

"It's infinitely adaptive as you can adjust and change it to suit all body types, physical conditions, and experience levels. You don't need to be flexible to enjoy shibari—you just need to be clear about what works and doesn't work for your body that day," Midori says.

"Negotiation, or the pre-play conversation required in shibari and other BDSM play, can empower everyone to set and respect good boundaries, develop excellent consent-making skills, engage in collaborative joy creation," Midori says. "This, in turn, gives each of us more confidence, and a path toward greater authenticity in self-expression."

According to Graveris, when you decide to submit to the experience, your body will reward you with feel-good hormones like endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine. Once you've gotten the hang of the techniques, you can push your body's limits until it rewards you with those benefits.

"Do not jump straight into shibari suspension," he adds. "Practice with floor ties to ensure that you apply the right methods and techniques before you're up in the air."

"Preplan each of your aftercare needs. After shibari fun, whether the playtime went fantastic or not, people often need their own time to transition. Give plenty of time for aftercare. This period of the afterglow is necessary for converting a good time into a fantastic memory," Midori says.

Midori recommends starting with ropes made from cotton, which are "easy on the skin, hold knots well, easy to wash after messy sexy fun, budget-friendly, and are not likely to cause allergic reactions. Shibari does not require you to have exotic or expensive ropes made of hemp, jute, or other fibers. Many people are allergic to these as well."

Start with shorter ropes, as they're easier to handle. Super long ropes can get tangled up, be hard to handle, and just increase frustration for the person tying and boredom for the person waiting to be tied, Midori says.

Always have a set of safety scissors nearby when playing. Sometimes knots simply get too tight or the person needs to get out fast.

Midori recommends starting with your most favorite sex position, then use the ropes to tie your partner into that shape. (Here's some sex position inspo, if you need it.)

Tie the right wrist to the right thigh and the left wrist to the left thigh. If the partner is a bit more flexible, try wrists to ankles.

Additionally, do not try to imitate the positions or poses you've seen in professionally shot adult films or on the social media accounts of popular shibari lovers without the appropriate training and safety precautions. And of course: Always keep your play safe and fully consensual.