What Are Shadow Emotions? How To Identify Yours

In reality, emotions are neutral—they are simply pieces of data, and they are neither good nor bad. Emotional experiences show us what we need to pay attention to in our lives, within ourselves, our relationships, or our experiences. Emotional responses also give us information about how we are reacting to our inner world and outer experiences.

Shadow emotions fall into five categories:

Shadow emotions are the wise part of ourselves asking to be cared for and acknowledged. When shadow emotions are not paid attention to or managed, they get louder and more intense until we're forced to deal with our emotional experiences.

Here are four ways to identify and embrace your shadow emotions: 

Describe in detail how you are feeling. For example, if you're feeling sad, go a little deeper and ask yourself: What kind of sadness am I feeling? Perhaps lonely, depleted or exhausted, depressed, or hopeless? The more descriptive and specific in labeling emotions, the more awareness is created, which helps identify what you need to do to take care of your emotional health. (Here's an online assessment for mothers I developed to help you go deeper.)

Pay attention to the thoughts you are having regarding this emotional response (sometimes referred to as your meta-emotions). Are your thoughts critical statements about yourself? A relationship? An interaction or a situation? Perhaps your thoughts are centered on a past event you can't let go of. How would you describe your thoughts? Insecure? Low self-esteem? Worry about the future? Are you frustrated and angry? Paying attention to your thoughts is another way to help be specific in identifying and labeling shadow emotions.

When you experience a shadow emotion, allow yourself to experience the shadow emotion without judging yourself or the feeling. Go a little deeper by answering these questions: 

The messages we receive about shadow emotions and mental health affect how we respond to and take care of our emotional experiences in the present moment. Often, we have to unlearn the inaccurate messages received and embrace our emotions, including the shadow emotions. 

Managing shadow emotions is an act of self-care that will promote health and well-being. Embracing shadow emotions can feel overwhelming at first. With time, practice, and self-compassion, you'll witness and experience the power of healing through caring for all parts of yourself and learn the shadow emotions are one part of you and do not define all of you.