Orgasm Stacking: How Busy Couples Can Still Have Great Sex Lives

Sexologist By Gigi Engle
Sexologist
Gigi Engle is a sexologist, certified sex coach, and author of 'All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life.' As a sexpert for Womanizer and brand ambassador with Lifestyle Condoms, she promotes and teaches about pleasure-based sex education, masturbation, and safer sex practices. She also serves as a Pleasure Professional with O.school, where she teaches a number of classes centered around pleasure, sexual health, and confidence.
Couple Laughing in Bed

When you don't have enough time to brush your hair, let alone have a robust sex life, it can feel like you're trapped between a rock and a hard place. This is where a simple yet effective technique can come in handy: orgasm stacking.

What is orgasm stacking?

Orgasm stacking is a practice wherein you place emphasis on the quality of sex—namely, having more orgasms—as opposed to how many times a week, month, or year you're having sex. While it may not sound super glamorous, this is an optimal technique for busy parents or people with crazy jobs or a lot of responsibilities. So, um, pretty much everyone.

"Last week I had sex once, but I had three orgasms," says Madeline, 37. "We have two kids and jobs. We don't have time to just throw down and get it on anymore. Wednesday night is our date night, and it works for us. The sex is great!"

It's time to ditch the obligation sex. Orgasm stacking is effective because it takes the pressure off "getting it in" and allows partners to really engage with each other during intimate moments. It removes the sense of obligation we sometimes have with sex. Let's face it: Sometimes sex feels like a luxury we don't have the man-hours to entertain.

When you focus on quality instead of quantity, you allow partners to have better sexual experiences and create closer intimate bonds. "Orgasm stacking is a great way to extend the life of your sexuality and sexual play," sex therapist Moushumi Ghose, LMFT, tells MBG.

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How to practice orgasm stacking:

1. Set aside quality time.

Sex is important for relationship health. Quality sex is even more important. If you're going to practice orgasm stacking, you have to reframe your sex schedule. Instead of having a 20-minute session twice a week (or however often you have sex), set apart 40 minutes to one hour, once a week. 

The timetable will look different for everyone. Communicate with your partner about your needs and create a "sexy date" night (or morning) that works for both of you. Stick to this time together. 

2. Practice edging.

When you're focusing on the number of orgasms you can have in one sex session, you need to practice patience. Orgasm stacking isn't something every person can master right away. We're so focused on one "big" orgasm that we often forget to focus on all of the pleasure we're feeling along the journey. 

Ghose says that edging and control can really benefit you. "You can actually practice starting and stopping your orgasms, withholding or preventing yourself from orgasming, or instead of relishing in the glow of your last orgasm, get right back on the horse, so to speak, therefore giving you more control over your orgasms and the potential to have even more," she says.

Edging means stimulating yourself in a way that brings you sexual pleasure to the point of almost-orgasming. This can be through the clitoris, G-spot, nipples, another erogenous zone, or through different combinations of stimuli. Take time to breathe into your body and enjoy the pleasure of your partner's touch. (Here's our full guide to edging.)

This technique is a great way to connect more deeply with your body. Once you get to that final release into orgasm, it can be much more powerful. When your nerve endings are already alert from previous stimulation, with no release, your body aches for that orgasm. Getting there can be a full-bodied experience. Hello, full-body orgasms.

"I never even thought I'd have time for edging when I heard about it," says Becky*, 28. "Like, why am I going to try not to orgasm? I didn't come to the party to not orgasm. But once I actually dedicated time to the practice, I found myself genuinely excited for sex. I hadn't felt that in a long time."

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3. Focus on pleasure, not orgasms.

Here is where the practice of orgasm stacking may sound a little counterintuitive: Pleasure should be the goal, not orgasm. Yes, you're "stacking" orgasms, but really you're creating an overall pleasurable experience that is relaxed, comfortable, and sexy. "By putting you in control of your body and its functions, it takes the pressure off of your partners to be responsible for the one big ONE, and you may feel satiated for longer periods of time," Ghose explains.

Having sex is important. But good sex is what's really important. Having one or two super-exquisite sex sessions when you can be in the moment and enjoying everything is far superior to four super-short, mostly unsatisfying experiences.

"I will always choose good, focused sex over having more sex," explains Lucy, 30. "Quality and orgasm is what I value. Not some quick humping that doesn't lead to feeling good. If I know I'm going to have good sex, I'm more likely to want to have it."

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