5 Lingering Effects Of Emotional Abuse (And How To Heal Them)

Up, down, high, low, good, bad, black, white, push, pull. Emotional abuse takes a heavy toll on our hearts and minds, planting lies in our psyche that, left untended, can last long after the roller coaster is over. It's hard to dig deep and identify these wounds, especially when we may not even be aware that we're still wounded. But months or years later, our ongoing behavior and character transformations can help to shed some light on what really needs our attention.

You isolate yourself, becoming more an observer of the world than a participant. Everything feels blocked. You don't feel bad — but you don't feel good either. You don't feel much of anything at all. Even when you know you should be happy, it's like there's a tight guard around your heart at all times, preventing anything from going in or out.

This one can be really sneaky because it manifests in ways that are socially acceptable: people-pleasing, excessive accomplishing, being "nice" to everyone, and hyper-focusing on your appearance. The underlying current of approval-seeking behavior is that you are somehow "not enough" without it. This was a lie put into your heart, and it needs to be banished forever. Our worth as human beings is not dependent on any of those things.

This can build up over time, and it's not about throwing objects or screaming. Far more common signs include irritability, blame, blood pressure changes, heart tightness, frustration, and impatience. Resentment's key word is "should." (This bad thing shouldn't have happened. People should have behaved a different way.) Essentially, we are living in a constant state of resistance to reality.

This is a personality shift that happens slowly. You hear nice words coming out of your mouth, but your thoughts are somewhere else entirely. You find yourself obsessively analyzing everything others do, to the point that it becomes difficult to trust anyone. You hyper-focus on behaviors, holding others (and yourself) to very high standards.

Insomnia, appetite changes, constant fear, a sense of doom, and hopelessness: self-destruct mode. This is your body saying "no more." Your patchwork — the above four solutions — aren't working anymore, and your body is going to torture your mind until you surrender to the only permanent solution: love.

You should seek professional therapy for anxiety and depression, but I would highly recommend that all emotional abuse survivors approach therapy from the perspective of love rather than constant analysis of your undesirable behaviors. Instead of searching your memories, try feeling your feelings. The simple truth that you are a real, suffering human being can break open even the tightest heart and bring you to a place of self-compassion that you've never felt before — perhaps a new reality where you are as kind to yourself as you've always been to others.

After emotional abuse, there are so many lies obstructing the heart: not enough, inadequate, worthless, bad, broken, replaceable, unlovable, my fault. The good news is you can heal this stuff. The bad news is there's no quick fix — just a lot of patience, hard work, and dedication. It may take months or years of practice, but finding love for yourself is a permanent solution. In this journey, we leave behind the splitting of "old cheerful self" and "new abused self" in favor of a whole self who is loved and accepted completely.