Use This Simple Psychology Tool To Finally Reach Your Goals
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It’s easy to feel stuck in patterns—repeating the same arguments, falling into the same habits, or holding onto beliefs that quietly limit us. But real change doesn’t always require a massive overhaul. Sometimes, all it takes is having the right tools to shift your perspective.
On a recent episode of the mindbodygreen podcast, cognitive scientist Josh Davis, Ph.D., and lawyer Greg Prosmushkin unpack the fundamentals of neurolinguistic programming (NLP), a surprisingly accessible framework that helps people create meaningful, lasting change.
So, what is NLP?
NLP may sound technical, but at its core, it’s a practical toolkit for shifting your mindset. It’s based on the idea that we all run unconscious “programs,” habits, thought patterns, and emotional responses that get triggered by specific situations. Once you recognize these programs, you can start to change them.
The name “neurolinguistic programming” reflects how language both reveals and influences our thought patterns. It’s not about manipulation, Josh is quick to clarify; it’s about helping people understand themselves and others with more compassion and clarity.
You don’t react to reality—you react to your version of reality
One of the most transformative ideas in NLP is that we’re all walking through the world with our own personal filters. We don’t respond to objective facts; we respond to how we perceive those facts.
Greg shares a powerful example: Imagine you’re annoyed by a man whose children are acting out on a train, only to learn that their mother just died. Suddenly, your entire perspective shifts, not because reality changed, but because your filter did.
Josh adds that every person’s mental model is different and incomplete. Recognizing this opens the door to deeper empathy, fewer conflicts, and more open-minded conversations.
Want to achieve your goals? Try a “well-formed outcome”
NLP also offers a refreshingly practical method for setting goals that actually stick. It’s called the “well-formed outcome,” and it includes five criteria:
- Is it in your control? Focus on what you can influence.
- Is it measurable? Define clear signs of success.
- Is it stated positively? Know what you’re working toward, not just what you’re avoiding.
- Is it context-specific? Be clear about when and where you want this change to show up.
- Is it ecological? Make sure your goal aligns with other values or roles in your life.
This last point often gets overlooked. Josh notes that change can trigger internal resistance if it clashes with your identity. For example, if you pride yourself on being supportive, setting boundaries might feel wrong, unless you reframe assertiveness as a way of better supporting others.
The language of connection
NLP also offers tools for better communication, especially when emotions run high. One key principle: You have to meet people where they are before you can guide them somewhere else.
Rather than trying to talk someone out of being upset, start by validating their experience. Match their energy, acknowledge their feelings, and look for common ground. That creates rapport and a sense of trust that makes productive dialogue possible.
Another NLP trick? Pay attention to people’s sensory language. Do they say “I see what you mean,” “I hear you,” or “I feel that”? Mirroring their communication style can make your message resonate more deeply.
Greg puts it simply: “The person with the most flexibility has the most power.” Adaptability isn’t weakness; it’s a strength that helps you connect more effectively.
The takeaway
NLP is more than a communication tool; it’s a mindset. It helps you understand how your thoughts shape your experiences and gives you the tools to change those patterns when they no longer serve you.
At its core is a belief Greg and Josh return to often: All I need is within me now. It’s a reminder that growth isn’t about becoming someone else; it’s about unlocking more of who you already are.
Whether you want to improve relationships, shift habits, or see the world with more empathy, NLP offers a practical, compassionate starting point. Make sure to pick up their book, The Difference That Makes the Difference, to learn how to incorporate this powerful practice into your life.