A Psychologist's One Tip To Nix Tantrums, From Screaming Toddlers To Brooding Teens

Dealing with a temper tantrum is, by no means, a walk in the park. That's why clinical psychologist and New York Times bestselling author Shefali Tsabary, Ph.D., says you shouldn't "deal" with them at all. Rather, "You just settle down," she shares on the mindbodygreen podcast. Seems suspect—shouldn't your screaming child be the one to settle?—but according to Tsabary, the key to stopping a temper tantrum in its tracks is to actually take a parental "timeout." Remove yourself from the situation (be it physically or mentally), and the tantrum should cease, every time. 

Let's chat about younger children first—say, toddlers. You can't exactly leave them alone, but you can take a timeout in your own mind. "You just kind of quiet down," says Tsabary. "Tell them, 'Mommy's really tired right now,' and just go into stillness. And the [temper tantrum] will eventually die down because [your child's] not getting the feedback they were wanting." Whereas if you raise your voice to meet your child's screams, you'll likely be met with even more wails. 

Your child can transform their energy in a snap, says Tsabary, and they typically mirror your own. So get creative with it: "Lie down and tell the kid, 'Oh, my stomach is hurting right now. Can you be my nurse?' And your kid will change," Tsabary notes. "That's what's so great about young kids."  

Now, onto the brooding teens. With older kids, you can take more of a physical "timeout." If you can leave them alone, remove yourself from the situation and let them know you're giving them their space. "I say to my kid all the time, 'Time for me to go on a walk,' "Time for me to go upstairs,' or 'Time for me to let you have your space,'" Tsabary explains.