This Dynamic Between A Couple Can Cause Significant Strain On Their Relationship

Who has the power in your relationship? 

Czech researchers collected data on 192 heterosexual couples from diverse socioeconomic backgrounds who had been surveyed in previous studies throughout 2008 and 2018. The couples were all in long-term relationships, together for at least eight months and living together for at least five.

The members of these couples were individually asked about who they thought had the most power in the relationship, including who has more say between the two of them, who controls decision-making, who usually has more say in whether they have sex, and who has more dominant personality traits.

Among the more unequal relationships, women had more power in 54% of them.

Interestingly, power inequality tended to more strongly affect men's relationship satisfaction than women's. When men perceived themselves as having either less power or more power than their partner, men's happiness with the relationship tended to decrease. They also tended to be less happy when their partner felt she had less power.

How happy women were with the relationship had more to do with the negative ways power imbalances played out in the relationship. Specifically, women were less happy with their relationships when they were dealing with a partner with a very dominant personality or a partner who tended to exert a lot of control over her. The mere perception of a power imbalance wasn't what affected relationship satisfaction for women; it was the negative characteristics that came with that imbalance.

Past research tells us why equal power matters: More unequal relationships tend to foster more negative behaviors and poor communication, such as coercion, aggression, and violence.

Even in relationships without any violence at all, it can simply be harder to be open about how you feel and what you need when you know your partner will be able to do whatever they want anyway. But when couples are on an even playing field, there tends to be more mutual respect, more open and honest communication, and more attention to decision-making that feels good for both parties.

In unbalanced relationships, even the person with more power tends to be less happy—and this was particularly true for men in this study. The researchers hypothesize that this might have to do with having a "higher mate value," which is essentially science-speak for "out of your league." Essentially, someone who tends to have a lot of options for people to date will have more power in a relationship with someone who has fewer options. The person with the "higher mate value" is less dependent on the relationship because they can easily find another partner, which gives them more power in the relationship. The person with the "lower mate value" is more dependent on the relationship—but also happier with it, because they're dating someone who's a great catch. Meanwhile, their partner might be less enthused if they know there are better alternatives outside the relationship. 

Relationships where one person has more power than the other tend to be less satisfying, for a multitude of reasons. Egalitarianism, on the other hand, feels great for both parties. Other research similarly finds that couples who are equally involved in money management and who split child care equally tend to be happier. So the principle of equality checks out in more ways than one.