How To Hold Your Partner Accountable As They Set New Goals, From Couples' Counselors

Unwarranted accountability could give an air of superiority not support, so communication is key.

"Remember that just because someone expressed a goal to you doesn't mean that they're asking you how to make it happen," marriage and family therapist Nina Westbrook, LMFT, tells mbg. "Avoid offering unsolicited advice by giving your partner the space needed to formulate a plan and wait to see whether they request your guidance or support." 

If your partner does request help, ask what that means to them.

"Perhaps they do want gentle reminders, or perhaps they want help in other ways, such as cooking healthy dinners," says certified Gottman couples therapist Kimberly Panganiban, LMFT. 

Encouraging your partner is one thing, but joining them as they set out to achieve their goals may be more effective. 

"Showing up, by physically being there for your partner, is a powerful way to demonstrate support," Westbrook says. "If they're making a list of activities that will help them reach their goals, sit down and talk through the list together." 

If those goals are fitness-related, ask to join them on weekly walks, she suggests, and if they're nutrition-related, search for new recipes the two of you can make together. 

It's not uncommon to get wrapped up in a partner's resolutions because they actually benefit you in some way. If you find yourself becoming angry, frustrated, or annoyed when your partner struggles to meet their goals, explore where those emotions are coming from, Panganiban says. 

Pay attention to subtle or overt cues from your partner as well. "If it seems like your partner is becoming frustrated or starting to hide things from you, take a step back," Westbrook suggests. "It may be worth re-evaluating whether you care about this goal or resolution more than they do."