How To Define Your Self-Worth When You Don't Have A Job
Many people tie their entire identities to their jobs. That's because, growing up, most of us learn to define our worth by others' approval of our looks, performance, and achievements. When we get the approval we're seeking, we feel worthy. But when we don't, we believe that we're not OK.
Today I support so many people on their spiritual healing journeys, and even I grew up with these false narratives about what determines my value as an individual. And I can say this: My life changed dramatically when I learned to define my self-worth separate from my looks, performance, and achievements.
Are you thinking, "What else is there?" Everything that actually has true worth, actually!
How do you generally define your self-worth?
See if you identify with these common ways of defining your worth.
I feel worthy when:
- Others approve of how I look or how I perform
- Others reach out to me
- I receive attention from others
- I'm in a relationship
- Someone I'm in a relationship with is turned on to me
- Others listen to me
- Others do nice things for me
- I know I've done a good job
- I know I look good
- I'm making a certain amount of money
- I have children
The problem with this is that you are defining yourself externally by what others think or by some external situation or value system.
Finding your intrinsic worth.
Think about the friends who you truly value. What do you value about them? Is it their money, their car, their home, their fame, or their success?
Or is it their kindness, caring, generosity, honesty, reliability, and their loving nature? Is it their laughter, their adventurous nature, their sense of humor? Is it their aliveness and presence? Is it how they listen to you and are there for you? Is it that you never run out of things to talk about with them? Is it their creativity, intuition, their spiritual connection?
Hopefully, you value their intrinsic qualities more than their external qualities. And this is what you need to start to value in yourself.
We can lose our externals, but we never lose our intrinsic qualities. We can lose money, a job, our looks, our athletic abilities. But we never lose who we really are—our essence, our soul. However, we can lose touch with who we really are, and now is a great time to reclaim your beautiful intrinsic qualities.
We all have a blueprint in our soul for what brings us joy to offer the planet. This is our true calling—what we came to this planet to manifest.
If you have been less than thrilled with your current work or your current life, why not take this time to open to your true essence and discover what would bring you joy? What better time than now to open to what your soul wants you to hear and take action on?
The way to do this is to start to listen within to your feelings, just as you would listen to the feeling of a child you love. Your feelings let you know whether you are on track with your soul's calling or off track. If your work or how you spend your time isn't fun and fulfilling, then you might want to start to listen within to what your feelings—your soul within—is telling you.
Our soul is a very big energy. Part of it is within, and part of it is all around us. The part within often communicates through feelings, while the part all around—our higher self—often guides us by popping thoughts into our mind.
Listening within to what fulfills you and brings you joy is what guides you toward connecting with the blueprint of your true soul's calling. You will know when you tune into it by how you feel. And listening within is what enables you to discover your intrinsic worth—your beautiful soul essence. You came to this planet to evolve in your ability to love, starting with loving yourself and defining your true worth, and then fully manifesting your gifts to bestow upon the planet.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D., is a best-selling author, relationship expert, and Inner Bonding® facilitator. She has counseled individuals and couples since 1968. She is the author/co-author of nine books, including the internationally best-selling Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by You?, Healing Your Aloneness, Inner Bonding, and Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by God? and her recently published book, Diet For Divine Connection. She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process, recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette, and featured on Oprah, as well as on the unique and popular website Inner Bonding.