The Spiritual Reason Some Relationships Feel More Intense Than Others
Some say that one is the loneliest number. But in numerology, one symbolizes some powerful ideas, including independence and manifestation—making things happen. Mirror that, and you have a union of two whole, self-sufficient parts, which makes for a very specific kind of relationship.
November 11 (11/11) is Twin Flame Day, so we asked relationships reader Nicole Bowman (aka Live the Light) to tell us everything we should know about this special type of soul mate. She's one of over 4,000 community-vetted psychics and spiritual advisers at Keen.com who are available to chat with anyone seeking guidance and clarity on their career, relationships, even financial wellness. Read on to see our most burning questions answered below. (Just a fair warning, you may feel so intrigued you'll want to get your own Twin Flame reading after this.)
What is a twin flame?
The concept of twin flame exists in many different religions and forms of thought—probably the most famous origin is Greek mythology. It comes from the idea that when God, or Great Spirit, created people, God took a soul and split it in half. A twin flame is essentially your spiritual twin, your spiritual other half, your mirror, the yin to your yang.
What makes a twin flame relationship different from other relationships?
Twin flames come together to help each other grow, heal, and evolve spiritually. Then, as a couple, they're often asking, how can we do that for the world? So, it's not just about that union between two people—there's usually a mission that's bigger than those two people.
Often, genuine twin flame unions come together as partners to do some kind of service. A great modern example of that is President Jimmy Carter and his wife.
Are twin flames always male and female? Are they always romantic?
The biggest misconception about the twin flame connection is that it's about love, romance, and sex. A twin flame connection is really about masculine and feminine energy coming together, and that doesn't necessarily fall within the normal constructs of sex and gender.
Feminine energies wait, watch, plot, plan, and intuit; masculine energies go out and make it happen. Both are necessary in order for the world to go around, so a twin flame connection is about the merging of those energies. It can take many forms: a friendship, a mentor and mentee, even a parent and child. Twin flames can be different ages, races, religions, and halfway around the world from each other.
So how do people find their twin flame?
A lot of people are searching for that person who's going to complete them, but the twin flame connection isn't about that. It happens when you're not looking for it. If you want to find your twin flame, just be the best you that you can be: Get clear on who you are, love and honor yourself, and then allow life to take you to the people and the experiences that are going to be for your best benefit and for theirs. Not everyone is destined to meet their twin flame. The people who do meet them—it's because that's a necessary part of their soul mission.
Even if you have a clear sense of your own identity when you meet, it can turn your world upside down. It’ll cause you to question everything.
Is there a telling sign that you've met your twin flame?
When you first meet, you might feel like you already know this person. It's almost like looking into a mirror and seeing yourself. You might feel like you have to be with this person because they have something to teach you. Either way, you'll feel yourself pulled and drawn to them.
Again, it's why the romantic notion of twin flames is so mainstream—a lot of people just want to find that one person who feels like home in this world—but the paradox is that the twin flame connection is actually the opposite. A twin flame connection will shake up your soul. It drives you right into the heart of fear, makes you face it, and then makes you walk through it. Usually this person brings up your insecurities, traumas, fears, and things you've been struggling with and force you to deal with it if you haven't yet done the work.
Even if you have a clear sense of your own identity and are in a relatively healthy space when you meet, it can turn your world upside down. You might think you have all these plans—get married, have kids, live here, travel the world—but twin flame connections will usually be the exact opposite of everything that you've planned. It'll cause you to question everything you thought you knew.
That sounds intense! How do you know if your romantic partner is your twin flame?
If you both are mature enough spiritually, there's going to be a mutual feeling that you need to do something together—like a business or a project—and most of the time, it's not going to be about the two of you and what makes you both feel good.
There's a need to do something for the community—like start a community garden so that people can have access to fresh food if you live in a food desert, or use their jobs in law and say, we need to figure out this justice system together. It's less about the romance and more about how your partnership positively affects the planet and makes it a healthier world.
It’s less about the romance and more about how your partnership positively affects the planet and makes it a healthier world.
How do you nurture a twin flame relationship?
These relationships require a lot of soul and maturity work in order to deal with someone who sees your pain and trauma, calls you on your stuff, and is willing to work with you through it. If you're in a relationship with your twin flame, be honest with each other—don't sweep things under the rug and let things fester.
Do all twin flame relationships last?
No, sometimes twin flames run. There's a lot of self-reflection and realizing that this relationship is deeper than any others you've had before. It's a very challenging idea to love someone unconditionally and still have healthy boundaries and share that with the world—not everyone is ready for that. In those instances, the twin flames may not join together in this lifetime.
A twin flame can also just come into our lives to remind us of who we are, and they're not meant to stay. Sometimes that's the lesson.
What should you do if you feel like you've met your twin flame, but they're no longer in your life?
If you want them back in your life, set the intention or manifestation. Then, pay attention to who shows up in your life, and who comes back. Relationship advisers and twin flame experts at Keen.com can also lend their intuitive insights to guide you on your journey.
Are there any advantages of having a twin flame relationship?
Yes! You have someone who sees you as you are and loves you. You face and deal with your issues, which causes you to grow as individuals. And the people around you are affected, too.
The other benefit is that life of service in which you're loving and supporting each other, but you're also giving back to the world—you're being the people that you say you are and doing it together because that's the point.
Krista Soriano is the Senior Branded Content Editor at mindbodygreen. She holds a B.A. in journalism with a minor in communications from Messiah College, graduating summa cum laude. She has written and edited lifestyle content for over 15 magazines and websites, including ELLE, Esquire, Good Housekeeping, Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Women’s Health, Men’s Health, Runner’s World, and DuJour. At mbg, Soriano helps our partners—which include non-profits and Fortune 500 companies—tell their stories, covering everything from the future of regenerative agriculture, ethical banking, and the endocannabinoid system. She lives in New York.