7 Steps To Stop Being Emotionally Dependent In Your Relationship

"Emotional dependency begins when we don't know how to be there for ourselves emotionally," says mental health consultant Adina Mahalli, MSW. "The reliance on others to make you feel connected and fulfill your emotional needs completely disregards your ability to self-validate." 

All of us need alone time, as psychologist Danielle Dowling, Psy.D., tells mbg.

"It's healthy to spend time alone, whether you're self-reflecting or simply taking part in a favorite solo activity," she writes. "While it can be scary to feel like you need and want time away from your partner, it's important to communicate what you need when you know you need it. Remember that spending time in solitude is not self-indulgent."

If you worry that you might be emotionally dependent, you likely need to relearn your independence—and Mahalli says that this starts by finding a space that is yours. "Take up hobbies that you enjoy on your own," she tells mbg. "Whether that's yoga, painting, learning a new language, or anything else that you've been wanting to do—now is the time to start." 

What are you good at? No matter how small the strength may be, identify it. According to psychologist Tony Ortega, Psy.D., making a list of your strengths is a great way to become more emotionally independent because you start to see what you have to offer independent of any relationship.

If you feel that you're craving emotional dependency and validation, that's OK. Don't let negative chatter discourage you from your path to being more independent. Ortega suggests instead of trying to eliminate negative self-talk, just pair it with a neutral or positive thought—one that's realistic. 

"I add the disclaimer of 'realistic' as positive affirmation folks can get a little too carried away and make things so unrealistic that it turns recipients off," Ortega says. "When the inner saboteur strikes, bring in the compassionate witness. Let them walk hand-in-hand without giving more strength to one over the other."

Emotional dependency is often the result of previous experiences and relationships that we've had, according to dating coach Claire Barber. These experiences train us to behave in a codependent way, seeking another person to validate your sense of worth. 

"The key to becoming more emotionally independent is to first recognize where your current pattern of behavior stems from," says Barber. "Once you have identified the root, you can better assess where you're at and how to change your state of mind in order to be more emotionally independent."