I’m in that camp of people who believe talking about something before it actually happens is sort of bad luck. You know, like keeping that big job interview a secret until you’ve been offered the job?
Well, I have my very first yoga teaching audition in two days, and I can’t buy into the whole jinxing it thing. I need to write about it.
One day I’ll look back on this and laugh at how my palms began sweating just listening to the voicemail the woman from the health club left for me.
I applied for the position through their corporate website and clicked a whole bunch of gyms within the chain I’d be willing to teach at. I didn’t think I’d hear from them.
That's the way it usually goes, right?
I just got home from work and got that icky, dry, weird throaty feeling just practicing my audition. And that was in front of my cats. My voice was quiet and a little shaky. I forgot what body parts to focus on in Crescent pose. Crescent pose is not even a real pose. How am I going to do this in two days?
I’m generally a confident person. I’m friendly and have a big personality, and I know my 200-hour teacher training through YogaWorks is the best yoga teaching education I could have ever have received. I'm totally, 100% sure I could teach a class safely, properly and intelligently.
So why am I so damn nervous? Why do I psych myself out like this?
I’d rather just show up and teach a full class. My nerves would be much less obvious.
How do I showcase my personality in front of a single person who might not know much about yoga in the first place?
I know I can do this. When I set my mind to something, I just do it. I make it happen. I’ve had great successes in my life. But I’m scared of this. Isn’t it funny that I was more confident 10 years ago when I was starting out a career as a TV producer than I am now — here all I have to do is show someone I know what I’m doing when it comes to yoga?
The thing is, fear is fake. It’s a feeling that you create.
I think “fear is fake” is going to be my mantra for the next 30 hours until my big audition. And when I win the Oscar for yoga teaching at a health club, I will thank all of you for reading this.