My wife and I were out with a group of friends a few weeks ago and one of my wife’s friends asked me, as a relationship expert, "What's the 'secret sauce' that allows the two of you to keep having great sex after 21 years together?'"
Not wanting to hang this woman out to dry, and save myself from awkwardness (both our spouses were present, and obviously curious to see where the conversation would go), I tried to explain—but it's never about comparison.
Many couples I work with or know personally spend their time speculating about how their sex lives compare with those of other couples. In general, I don’t really find comparison useful or effective—every relationship has its own unique rhythm and style.
I tell anyone who asks that comparison is not useful or productive. The key is always communication—both in and out of the bedroom. So, if you want to have great sex, focus on being a great communicator. Here are some qualities of great communicators (that inevitably lead to great sex).